Saturday, 5 January 2008

The Darker Side Of Sub Space

Master decided as I was staying over we should have a play session, other than a little play at new year we'd been mostly Vanilla for a couple of weeks.

The day before He'd caned me and thought then by my reactions that I was more than half way to sub space, (which would've been a first time for me) and He decided to see if He could take me the whole way.

I was handcuffed to the bed and Master took out a blindfold and my nipple clamps. Now here is the time I should say Master had spent several hours torturing my nipples and the sight of those clamps just seemed to send me into orbit.

Master asked me if I was ok, I replied yes...........thankfully He knew better and immediately released me and took me in his arms and that's when I really began to feel the effects of subbing out.

The only way I can describe it is as a bad trip, not that I've ever done drugs, but this was worse than being drunk.

Even when I've gone over my alcohol limit I've never felt like this before, slurring words and just feeling totally out of control.

He talked me through it, explaining why I felt the way I did and that it was because I'd not slipped gently into sub-space, but crashed on through hence this awful spaced out feeling I was rapidly beginning to hate........but even worse was to follow.

I've still not come to terms with the whole scenario, how as fast as I hit sub space I then began to experience sub drop, crying and emotional and feeling like a complete failure, which did not make Master happy at all, and the more He tried to reassure me the worse I felt.

I know Master feels He let me down, but it was all so quick and I know for a fact He didn't feel we'd done enough to get me to this stage, although He had planned on taking me there slowly thus ensuring a happy experience. This was not the way either of us envisaged it.

Not sure what will happen now, conversation I'm sure, but not sure I could go through that again. It took me all my time to stop myself dressing and leaving.
The logical side of me was whispering in the background that it was ok, just a side effect of the endorphins in my brain.
The emotional scared side of me just wanted to run away, thankfully the logical side won as I was in no fit state to drive, not that Master would have allowed me to leave anyway.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

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