Thursday, 29 December 2011

Trust, Honour, Respect

That's what any relationship requires. Without any one of those things a relationship is doomed to failure.
I think I've finally managed to make him see that I'm in for the long haul, as long as it's what he wants.
Over the last few years his ability to trust anyone and allow them in has been seriously challenged, to the point that now everyone is held at a distance and he cynically expects them to just pass through to something better. He hates feeling like that, it's a very lonely way to live life too, I've been there.
I did make a misjudgement about his relationship with St, we've talked some more about it and I've told him that unless he specifically instructs me I'll not do anything sexual with St again.
My focus is S and I won't do anything to jeopardise that, now I understand what's going on between them better I realise it's better to keep that distance between St and I.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Merry Christmas

Sitting here having just eaten breakfast, turkey is in the oven and I've a couple of hours before I need to do anything else.
I feel totally wiped out physically and emotionally. I think dropping like a stone is a good way to describe it.
Yesterday was our last together for almost a week, not long at all, but today it feels a long way off.
Our last few hours were spent in bed, S playing my body like a musical instrument. I came so long and hard when he eventually allowed me.
He prepared me by shaving me completely bare and several enemas so I was nice and clean. Such intimacy we shared in such simple acts.
I'm an anal slut that's for sure and found it an incredible turn on, although there were lots of giggles and kisses too. There's a time for serious and a time for fun, where possible I enjoy mixing the two together. This was definitely one of those times.
Talking to a friend of S today he says he's never seen S so happy, I'm pleased about that. He's a lovely man and had a tough time over the years, it makes me happy to give him something good, it's a bonus that it also gives me something good in return.
Why then do I feel unsettled? I feel the need to submit completely to him and feel that he takes and holds that submission, yet he tells me to submit as much as I wish but I'm still my own person and he does not own me.
It makes me feel insecure which is silly, I know it's only in my own head, my paranoia that I feel so disposable. I've tried to explain a little how I feel about it, but so much of it is difficult to verbalise.
He tells me I'm a gorgeous subbie, that I react beautifully to him. That he loves how I am with him and that I'm a joy to be around. He says I need to go with the flow and see what happens. I'm trying, I really am, especially as we've only been together a few weeks, but it's really difficult to let go as much as I need to and perhaps unfair of me to try and give more than he wants, if that's what I'm doing.
See what happens at new year, either way I know I'm in for a fun time.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Saturday, 24 December 2011

I'm Rita

I've had an amazing few days.
I think I've had more orgasms this last 4 days than I've had in years.
I've got a gorgeous naked man in bed next to me and it's going to be hard to go home tomorrow and leave him. I will be back for New Years eve, so not too bad.
S told me to go with the flow and I have pretty much. His male lover spent last evening and night with us and even a couple of hours this afternoon.
Yesterday S and I both played with St, torturing his nipples and other parts of his body until eventually S told him he'd earned a reward and could ask for anything he wanted.
St was pretty much blissed out on endorphins, but asked S to fuck him.
It was beautiful to watch them together and I reached my hand underneath S and stroked St's cock while he was being fucked.
It wasn't long before he came all over my hand and that was shortly followed by S cumming too.
Today I was the filling in a S and St sandwich for cuddling and they both kissed, cuddled and pinwheeled me for ages. I was wriggling and squirming with wrists restrained to the bed.
Lots of giggling, touching and kissing too before St finger fucked me to a screaming orgasm. It's a wonder the neighbours haven't called the police I've screamed so loud, I just can't help it.
Most probably think what I'm doing is madness, but we're all enjoying it and there is potential for this to turn into something reasonably long term I think.
Both of them are lovely men who obviously care deeply for each other, my biggest concern was upsetting their dynamic, but I think considering how it might have been, we're doing very nicely.
Today I had a fit of giggles and told them I felt like I was in the film Rita, Sue and Bob Too.
I told them I'm Rita, so which of them is Sue and who is Bob? lol We're Having A Gang Bang
If it lasts weeks, months or longer I'll not regret anything. I've had so much of the negative side of life this last few years I'm making the most of the current time.
I'm also getting to fulfill a few fantasies and there's still a few to go.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing." DanesWood

Thursday, 22 December 2011

The Munch Bunch

I had  a beautiful experience on Tuesday night. I went with S to the local munch that he organises. I knew a few of the people there, most I did not. I'm often a little shy in such situations, but I found myself talking to a couple of lovely people and before long I was having a lot of fun.
After the munch a few people came back to the flat with us for coffee and perhaps to play a little. Eight of us in all, sat around on the floor looking at toys and that included several violet wands.
S has a male sub/lover too and he and I have always got along, even before I got together with S. He was tired and sat beside me on the floor leaning on me and we cuddled and stroked each other. Eventually I suggested we went to bed and left everyone else to it as he had work in the morning and I was tired after getting very little sleep the night before.
I'd known we were to all three share the bed last night, so this seemed a good way to break the ice a little without either of us feeling pressured.
He agreed we should leave the others to party and off we went.
S followed me and gave me a hug, told me how awesome he thinks I am and that he'd loved how cuddly I looked with St.  He told me that he would be happy with whatever happened between us, that it was beautiful that the two people who mattered most to him were getting on so well.
I'm not sure how I felt, I agreed it was lovely how comfortable we felt together, but wasn't sure I wanted to more than cuddle. I'd been mulling it over in my mind for a while, because it's important to me that St feels I'm not trying to take his place. I'd expected at some point for the three of us to end up in bed together, but wasn't sure what I would do when it happened. Would I stroke and watch them both? Would I want to join in everything? Or would I take a back seat and await my turn.
I slipped into bed naked next to St, I'm not allowed to wear anything when I get into bed with S anyway. I lay with my back towards St, he put his arm around me and we talked quietly for a while, him stroking my back and arm, me nicely relaxed and beginning to drift off to sleep.
S came in to say goodnight to us both together, kissed us both passionately and told us again how beautiful it was to see us like this.
I snuggled down all comfy and relaxed, St was kissing my back and shoulders very softly as he continued to stroke me, soothing me to sleep.
We could hear everyone else in the next room having a good time, lots of laughs and talking, just too loud for me to shut it out completely and St was the same.
I laughed and said we should just have wild rampant sex and forget trying to sleep, it was already well after 5am and St had the alarm set for 7.30am.
As soon as I said it St behaved as though I'd taken a barrier down and began to kiss my body and stroke my breasts. After a few minutes his hand moved down between my legs and gently searched out my clit. I was quite turned on by now and St loved how wet I was already.
I must've been making some noises because the door opened and S came in. I remember him saying how lovely it was to see us together like this and he sat on the bed beside me and kissed me, stroked me and encouraged St to explore my body more. S stood and removed his clothes then climbed into bed with us both.
The details are rather blurred of who did what after that, but I know I was kissed passionately, finger fucked, licked and eventually fucked, by both of them.
I screamed to orgasm several times and throughout the whole experience S kept holding me, kissing me and telling me how beautiful I was, how happy I make him.
I do have some doubts about the longevity of this relationship, but no doubts that at the moment it's right for all three of us and I'm very happy to share this time with both of them.
What a lucky girl I am to have not one, but two lovers, although it only works with St because of S as far as I'm concerned. S is my main focus it's about the bond I'm building with him and St is a part of S, as I am.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Monday, 19 December 2011

Good Times Cumming

Getting ready to go see the lovely S tomorrow, I'm really very excited. Fantastic sex, good company and socialising with his friends.
Something I want to explore more with him is hypnosis, not written about my first experience with him, but it was very odd.
Cuddling me, stroking me and speaking quietly to me, we'd played a little and he was making sure I was ok I thought, then he told me I could release some emotion, whatever I felt I needed to and I burst into tears.
Crying is quite cathartic and I'm definitely someone who bottles up emotions, which he knows.
After holding me and comforting me we played some more and then he told me to go to sleep and wake up refreshed. I was out like a light, which is unusual and woke up feeling fabulous when he came and whispered in my ear.
It was only later that he told me he'd done some mild hypnosis on me to help me relax. I'm amazed it worked on me because I'm usually wound as tight as a drum.
Just maybe I'll get to experience some more of that over the next few days.
I've been helping a friend this last couple of weeks too, well I became her friend because of the really rough time she's going through at the moment and was asked to help her out.
She's lovely and I'm very pleased I've been introduced to her and I know she's going to need me and other friends around for a long time to come.
Her ex sub has outed her, reported their S&M activity to the police and accused her of doing it all against his will, assaulting him and buggering him with a dildo on numerous occasions.
After that he contacted her employer which has led to her dismissal as she was a social worker whose job it was to help abused and vulnerable people.
They told her one of the reasons for her dismissal is associating with undesirables (us). In my opinion her BDSM lifestyle makes her more qualified to help with abuse victims as consent is so vital to our way of life and belief.
Hard to believe you can spend 18 months with somone and them then treat you like that. Although he outed his previous Domme too when their relationship ended, so he's a history of it, just a shame my friend didn't know that before she got together with him.
I'm currently doing my bit to ensure as many in the community here know about him and are aware what he's capable of.
Usually people on the scene are very tight lipped about others, but thats enabled this piece of slime to carry on and hurt people. No more.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

I'm confused

I've had a lovely few days, had some incredible sex and play. Had a few new experiences and enjoyed the company of some great people.
So what's the problem?
The problem is I really like him, but I want more than he does from a D/s relationship.
I'm trying to think if I should just enjoy what's on offer for now. I have to say he played me like a musical instrument. I had the most intense orgasms of my life and as I rarely cum at all, it's easy to imagine how heady that is.
I'm also suffering some sub drop, so know I'm not in the right frame of mind to make any decisions at the moment.
I need to write some more, get my head around all this.
It was an impulsive decision to accept his invitation to stay with him for a few days. I've been aquainted with him for about 3 years or more, but we'd not spent much time together.
I topped him a few months ago at a club event, there was definitely a connection, but the dynamics hadn't sorted themselves out.
He's very peaceful and relaxing to be around, a very generous and likeable man.
I'd be mad to not just accept what's on offer and enjoy the sex and play, wouldn't I?

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Unexpected News

It seems I'm about to take a new lover, not what I expected at all that's for sure.
He's a poly switch, mostly Dominant and someone I've known for a couple of years although not well untill recently.
Quite a turn up for the books me even considering something like this, but he's a really lovely person and I think we can have some fun times together. I'm looking on him as a good friend with excellent benefits lol.
Sunday is expected to be our first intimate time together, a time to explore the possibilities and discuss how this is going to work between us.
I still want to find someone to be exclusive with, unless he would like a sub for us to share, but I'm not going to miss the opportunity to spend some quality time with an experienced and caring man.
Perhaps this is a small diversion on my journey, perhaps it's a new path, but fingers crossed either way it will be enjoyable for us both.
What a delight to have someone who really likes me, wants to spend hours finding what pleases me and no pressure whatsoever.
I've been mulling a few things over lately, getting more than a little disheartened about my lack of a sex life and prospect of finding a Dom. I think this will give my confidence a major boost to say the least.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."