Merry Christmas

Sitting here having just eaten breakfast, turkey is in the oven and I've a couple of hours before I need to do anything else.
I feel totally wiped out physically and emotionally. I think dropping like a stone is a good way to describe it.
Yesterday was our last together for almost a week, not long at all, but today it feels a long way off.
Our last few hours were spent in bed, S playing my body like a musical instrument. I came so long and hard when he eventually allowed me.
He prepared me by shaving me completely bare and several enemas so I was nice and clean. Such intimacy we shared in such simple acts.
I'm an anal slut that's for sure and found it an incredible turn on, although there were lots of giggles and kisses too. There's a time for serious and a time for fun, where possible I enjoy mixing the two together. This was definitely one of those times.
Talking to a friend of S today he says he's never seen S so happy, I'm pleased about that. He's a lovely man and had a tough time over the years, it makes me happy to give him something good, it's a bonus that it also gives me something good in return.
Why then do I feel unsettled? I feel the need to submit completely to him and feel that he takes and holds that submission, yet he tells me to submit as much as I wish but I'm still my own person and he does not own me.
It makes me feel insecure which is silly, I know it's only in my own head, my paranoia that I feel so disposable. I've tried to explain a little how I feel about it, but so much of it is difficult to verbalise.
He tells me I'm a gorgeous subbie, that I react beautifully to him. That he loves how I am with him and that I'm a joy to be around. He says I need to go with the flow and see what happens. I'm trying, I really am, especially as we've only been together a few weeks, but it's really difficult to let go as much as I need to and perhaps unfair of me to try and give more than he wants, if that's what I'm doing.
See what happens at new year, either way I know I'm in for a fun time.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood