Monday, 30 April 2012

To You

To You

Blessed am I, for you are mine
Blessed are you, for giving such love
Blessed be me, there is an us

Love and Light, from me to mine
Love and Light, I see you shine
Love and Light, a toast to us

There is a Magic, in what we do
There is a Magic, in how I feel for you
There is a Magic, in the air for us

So Blessed are we
With Love and Light
And a Magick for us, tonight

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing." 

Saturday, 28 April 2012

It’s A Dirty Little Secret

Not for me its not, but to my family it is, at least to my mother and brother. I’ve talked openly for many years now about the fact I was sexually abused by my father as a child.
I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t ask for him to do the things he did to me, so why should I sweep it under the carpet and not talk about it in case people my mother knows find out?
The more openly these things are talked about surely the easier it will be for those subjected to abuse to seek help and bring resolution.
I don’t do so for sympathy or attention, or because I feel like a victim and full of woe is me.
One thing I’ve never considered myself to be is a victim, I’m a survivor and do talk about my life experiences because if by doing so I can help even one person it will be worth it.
Likewise, I don’t regret anything that’s happened in my life, the choices I’ve made good or bad, except……………I had an opportunity in 1987 to speak out about my father and I didn’t.
The result of my keeping quiet was three more years of abuse for my sister. I had asked her if he’d touched, she assured me he hadn’t, but I should have known. It’s easy to say that I couldn’t have, that by asking her I’d done my bit, but that’s not how it feels.
Eventually she and I talked and realised what he’d done to us both and some time later we went to the police together.
I’d like to say justice was done, but in these circumstances, is it ever? Nobody can give back what was taken.
I am luckier than many others, I know this, I understand this and I’m grateful that my experience was not as bad as lots of children endure.
If anything had been different in my life then I’d not be who I am now, nor would I have had the same experiences and there have been some amazing times in my life. I doubt I would ever have met Mark Sophia. I doubt I would’ve been able to support that wonderful person through the last part of their life.
For those who believe we exist for a reason………..that was mine.
Perhaps the universal balance of life means for every bit of happiness there’s a price.
They say you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family and it has to be said, I’d never have chosen the family I have, except my sister…………she’s fabulous.
So there’s my difficulty I suppose, to accept that to have experienced the wonderful, I had to experience the bad and in this case it wasn’t just me who had to experience the bad.
The first really major crossroads in my life that affected my path ever since was that choice in 1987 to accept what my sister told me and to save more upset, keep quiet. If I hadn’t then I do believe both our lives would be very different, not necessarily better or worse, just different.
For the people I love I’d give them the moon on a stick if it were possible, so it hurts like hell to know I can’t make it all better for her, and at the moment she’s really struggling to deal with the past.
And so, here we are, a past we can’t change, that affects our future and despite everything……….. I’d not trade the good to be rid of the bad.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing." 

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Just Love 'n' Stuff

Another lovely weekend with St, lots of love, laughter and sex. It's lovely to just relax and feel so right with another person. It takes no effort at all to be with him and that's great as far as I'm concerned and I'm pretty sure it's the same for him too.

We've a great combination of vanilla with a little kink, gradually the kink is creeping in more, but the vanilla is the most important part of our relationship. As St points out, we just do what feels right.
Amazing to think two kinky people would have such a great vanilla relationship with each other.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing." 

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

MUD Glorious MUD

Do you believe in love at first sight? I did, for other people. I never dreamed I could ever be so lucky. I often talk about the night I met Mark Sophia.

Even now, over 2 years since she passed away that first meeting feels as incredible to me now as it did then.

I’ve wanted to write about what happened for a long time, but as those know me will appreciate, it was a very emotional event and the time had to feel right to share it.

I opened the message, it was from someone I didn’t know and it was an invitation to a party.

A fetish party at MUD, a club in Manchester.

I’d never been to anything like that before. Ok I’d visited the BBB a couple of times and I’d been to SWAMP in Bristol once, including the after party there, but I was with a Dom and it didn’t really feel like a fetish party anyway. This was a completely different thing altogether.

I sent a reply politely declining and explaining I was very much a private player and parties didn’t really interest me.

A friendly and persuasive response arrived suggesting I contact someone else also on the invitation list, as he’d never been to anything like that before either.

For a couple of weeks I chatted to the new guy, a Dom from Preston.

I still had no intentions of going to the party at all until 2 nights before, when he told me the person who was driving had let him down and he now had no transport.

I thought about it for a few minutes. I’d be in Burnley that weekend staying with my sub Sammie. It wasn’t too far to Preston and then a drive straight down the motorway into Manchester. On impulse I offered to take him.

Saturday arrived and I picked him up along with 2 other people he’d promised a ride and the 5 of us headed off to MUD.

For the whole journey we talked about what it might be like. The other 2 people had been before it transpired, so had some idea what to expect. I felt quite excited and nervous, I knew I’d not be playing, but I’d be observing what everyone else was doing that’s for sure.

I parked at the side of the road, it was a rather run down and totally deserted area near the centre of Manchester.  MUD was in a railway arch, just a small sign on the wall to say it was there. I opened the door and stepped inside and as I walked down the small flight of rickety steps my eyes were agog at the array of sex toys and fetish wear that was all around the reception room.

There was a small glass counter filled with dildos and butt plugs, the man waiting behind it took our money and directed us through the door, pointing out the toilet in the room behind the counter as he did so.

Sammie was very nervous and shy; I clipped the chain dog lead I had with me onto her collar so she’d feel safe and secure knowing I was close by. Lee and the others followed behind.

I could already smell hot bodies and latex but when I opened that door and stepped through the heat and the aroma assailed my nostrils, almost overwhelming me.

Lots of people were dressed in black rubber catsuits. I wanted to touch them, to find out what it felt like as it looked so erotic. I couldn’t help myself, so asked a man standing by me if he minded me stroking him. He laughed and said ok.

I ran my nails and fingertips gently over the black latex stretched over his bottom. I couldn’t explain how it made me feel other than to say I wanted to do a lot more touching.

The host came over to say hello and explain how everything worked and said she hoped we’d enjoy ourselves.

There were probably 40 people there or so, some were playing already on the spanking benches and other equipment. My eye was caught by a man wearing a purple latex catsuit with a black latex skater skirt and a rubber corset. He looked like a purple gladiator.

Something about him drew me and as we moved around the room I kept looking for him so I knew exactly where he was.

Lee stood beside me drinking beer and looking extremely uncomfortable. He muttered to me that it was a bunch of freaks and he didn’t belong here. I told him I was loving it so we’d be staying.

As we watched the purple gladiator was strapped into a rubber straitjacket, a rubber bondage hood and then hauled up by his ankles so he hung upside down from the low vaulted ceiling.

A TV Domme stood with him stroking his latex clad thighs and flicking him gently with a riding crop. I assumed he was her sub, but I wanted so much to touch him too. I asked her permission to join in.

“Oh not a problem, it’s a free for all, anyone can touch him.” I was a little confused as I’d not let anyone touch my sub, but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I handed Sammie’s lead to Lee and asked him to look after her for a few minutes then stepped forward and began running my fingernails up and down the purple latex, revelling in the sensation of warm latex and the contact with this unknown person.

Would it be an overstatement to say sparks flew from my fingertips there was so much chemistry in the air? Possibly, but the feelings I experienced were incredible. Huge amounts of energy coursed through my body and it almost felt like some of my essence transferred from me to him and vice versa.

I’d never known anything like this and I resolved right then that no matter what, he was going to be mine.

For me that night I broke many of my own rules. I let someone else look after my sub Sammie. I played in public and most of all, I was prepared to go against everything I believed in to get to know the purple gladiator and have him for myself.

Before he was lowered on the hoist I stepped away to think about how I could achieve my aim.

I smiled as he removed the rubber bondage hood and stood grinning sweaty and happy at everyone standing around watching.

He explained to us that this was his first event in 6 months. He’d taken time out after an unfortunate incident in solo play where he’d almost died.

Speaking out I told him he was very silly and should be punished for it. A spanking was called for and then as he laughed I changed my mind and told him he should be promised a spanking and then denied it. That should be his punishment.

The small group of observers broke up and everyone went back to their own activities. I took charge of Sammie again and made sure she was feeling ok. Her eyes were huge as she stood looking around shyly, but she was obviously as fascinated as I was by everything we saw. I gave her a reassuring hug and looked around again for my purple gladiator.

Across the room from us was a large bondage wheel fixed to the wall. Four or five people were busy strapping the object of my lustfulness onto it and then slowly started to spin him around. This time instead of a bondage hood he wore a gas mask with a long breathing pipe on it. I’d never seen one of these wheels before, it looked interesting but I wasn’t sure what the purpose of it was.

I kept a watchful eye on him until a few minutes later he was left there alone. Handing Sammie’s lead back to Lee I made my way over to the wheel.

I stood there for a moment contemplating, then looking at his face I began to touch him again in the same way as before.  His eyes shot open and he looked me straight in the eye. I asked if it was ok to continue, he nodded.

My fingers stroked everywhere I could reach, I tweaked his nipples gently and scratched them through the latex with my nails. I put the palm of my hand over the end of the breathing pipe for a few seconds at a time and breathed into it gently.

I’d never done any breath play before, but it just seemed the right thing to do at the time.

His eyes kept closing in pleasure, but when we made eye contact again sparks flew between us. I couldn’t take my eyes off his face, watching and feeling the reactions I invoked by touching him made me feel incredibly happy.

The connection I felt was incredible, the chemistry was so powerful, it reinforced my earlier feeling of wanting to be with this man.

A little time passed and I noticed he was looking uncomfortable, so I asked if he needed to be released, he grimaced and nodded yes. I went off in search of his friends to take him down as there was no way I could safely manage it on my own, then I went back to Sammie again and pondered my next step.

I’d been chatting to various people for a while and watching others play and realised my purple gladiator was missing. I handed Sammie back to a now rather inebriated Lee and went off on a mission to find him.

There was a small area I’d not been into, a long narrow room at the back called the tunnel. I stepped up and peeked around the doorway, to my delight my purple gladiator was there and shackled to the white painted brick wall. His eyes were closed and he was away in his own little world.

I stood in front of him oblivious to everything around me, he was my complete focus and this was my real chance.

I ran my fingertips over him slowly and watched as a slow smile spread across his face. I didn’t know it then, but he recognised my touch and was happy I’d found him again.

As I touched him I began to whisper things that I could do to him in his ear, sensual erotic things, wild and wicked things, painful and pleasurable things. After a little while he was so far gone into sub space, anything I suggested felt real to him, so when I reminded him of my earlier threat, that he should be promised a spanking and denied it…..and that now was that time, he began to cry.

I turned and walked away, went back to my sub and the people I’d travelled to the party with. It was almost time to go home and the party was winding down, quite a few people had left or were gathering their things together in preparation to leave.

My eyes didn’t leave the doorway into the tunnel, it had been a gamble to walk away like that, but I was hoping he felt at least a part of what I had in our play together. I needn’t have worried.

A few minutes later he emerged from the tunnel and came over to me to ask for my phone number. He was smiling and laughing, talking about the enormous effect I’d had on him. He’d never asked a woman for her phone number before and couldn’t remember his to give me, but not to be deterred, he waited till he was in the car and then dialled my mobile from his so I’d have his number too.

And that is how I met my purple gladiator, fell in love at first sight and began the biggest, most intense adventure of my life. A 14 month period where I learned much about myself, about life and about how much love a person can give.

I posted this on my informed consent blog a few days later.

From Mud With Love

Posted by DanesWood on Wed 17 Sep 08, 9:23 PM to DanesWood's blog.
I met a very special person at a private party at Mud in Manchester on the 6th of September.
Some may think this is all a bit fast and it's another velcro collar, but those who really know me understand how serious I am about the lifestyle and giving my collar to a submissive, it took sammie 18 months to earn that right.

Strange then that after only a few short days I've taken amha181067 as mine, but I knew the moment I touched him as he hung upside down in suspension bondage at Mud that he should and would be mine.

I really thought he would be there with someone, I asked the person who was stood with him during the suspension for permission to touch him, assuming that he was her sub, it wasn't until the end of the night I learned he was a free man, but against all I believe in even had he not been he would still have become mine, I'd have made it happen.

When a connection like this is made it should never be disregarded nor taken lightly, where our journey will take us we don't know, what we do know is that we share it together.

Few people find their soulmate, but we truly believed that’s what we were. Neither of us had intended going to that party and in fact only went to take others who did want to go. It was as though fate played a hand in ensuring we got to meet despite ourselves.

The play in the tunnel was observed by his best friend rubbermorph and she sent Mark after me to ask for my number with the threat that if he didn’t she’d never speak to him again but our connection had been so special.

Neither of us was looking for a relationship. He’d just separated from his wife 6 weeks before and I was still sharing the house with my ex, although we hadn’t been together for a long time.

You’d think the timing couldn’t have been any worse for either of us, so when I went to visit him 2 days later to talk about what we’d both like the conversation was all about being regular playmates.

We kissed and sat wrapped around each other on the couch as we talked. Mark had his hand along the back of the couch for a while and found that he couldn’t move it until I gave him permission to do so.

Something we discovered very quickly was how fast I could put him into a form of sub space where anything I said was real. It was almost like hypnosis, but completely unintentional.

All the stuff we said about not wanting a relationship went out of the window in no time. I’d collared him within days and we hated being apart, within about three weeks I’d moved in.

I’ve written very little previously about the time we had together, but I do believe that my beloved has much to say even now and perhaps by me telling her story others may benefit.

It’s been far from easy to write about this first meeting and it’s taken me two and a half years to do so, but I hope my sharing the highs and lows of our time together it will do some good somewhere.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Life is a Rollercoaster

It's cliche but it's also true.
Life is a series of highs and lows, it's up to us to hold tight and enjoy the ride. I've had a couple of high points that were off the scale. A few lows I'd not wish on anyone.
I've shagged around, I've fallen in love a couple of times.
I've had adventures. I'm lucky enough to say I've never been bored with a lover :-)
I've not known what I wanted.
I've known what I've wanted and sometimes I've beenlucky enough to have it and sometimes I've not.
There have certainly been times I was sure I knew where life was going, only for it to go off on a tangent.
Who you share the ride with is important, sometimes you don't realise it at the time, or perhaps their role changes and either they get out of the car, or they move up to the front beside you.
Whatever role a person has in your life I learned a long time ago how vital it is to tell those you care about how you feel.
Those barriers there to protect your inner self are sometimes a hinderance and not a benefit. I try not to let them get in the way any more. I tell people I appreciate them, that they matter.
It's easy to take loved ones for granted. Some will even assume it's ok to do whatever makes them happy despite knowing the person they care about will struggle to accept such a decision. In those circumstances do they really care as much as they profess?
So I give thanks for having clubslut in my life.
A few months ago I would never have imagined we'd have this kind of relationship, but here we are.
He's a man with hidden depths who stepped up to the mark when it mattered. He knew what he wanted and wasn't prepared to let it slip away through no fault of his own. I'm so glad he didn't.
So a nice steady ride for now, although who knows what life will throw at us. Whatever it is, I'm sure he'll be right there beside me holding on tight for the ride.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Sunday, 1 April 2012

One Big Adventure

It's strange isn't it, how many people post to say they're so wonderfully happy and yet it's not convincing.
S and the woman he's now seeing that was part of the other couple are both extremely busy posting status messages to say they're happy, moving forward and enjoying new adventures.
I can't help but feel that for both of them it sounds more like they're trying to convince themselves it's the truth. Maybe it's the words they're using, maybe it's the fact that just a few days later they post a similar message.
I feel quite sorry for them both actually. Both are so similar, you'd say they're well suited, but both have such insecurity and jealousy issues I suspect it will be a struggle. Add to that both are always looking to the next adventure, as though they tire very quickly of the one they're on.
Despite my mixed feelings for S I feel more settled now. There are things I miss, but what I've gained with St more than makes up for anything.
We spent last night and a good part of today together. Each time we meet it just gets better and better. The sex is fantastic. He's loving and caring and just about everything you could want in a lover.
Let them have their new adventures, their constant chasing of happiness. I'm enjoying the adventure I'm on and hoping it's going to last for a very long time.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."