Thursday 17 May 2012

The River Of Life


I'm semi out to most people, partly by choice, partly because some things had to be discussed by necessity.
My mother was always reasonably open with me growing up about sex. I was reading copies of Men Only from about the age of 13. Some very interesting articles in there :-)
Any questions I had, she answered them, although usually I'd ask my favourite aunt. I do remember though many years ago my mother asking me a question when I was visiting with my vanilla ex one day.
"umm before you go I want to ask you something. I know you and David do it."
"What's that mother?"
"Err, how do you....umm give a blow job?"
After I picked myself up off the floor, I gave her some tips about how she could practice then a few days later asked her how she'd got on.
"It was alright....... But he's asked me not to do it again."
Lots of things flashed through my mind (horrible things), and I just had to ask why.
"Because it's not ladylike."
Face palm moment from me and all these years later, I still don't know if he was just being polite. I don't want to know either lol
So when I met Mark he told me he was totally out to everyone, had been since a teenager and dealt with any crap he'd had from family, but the vast majority of people were curious, supportive or found it humourous. He'd even attended a works Christmas party dressed totally in purple latex as a bet, he raised £300 for charity.
I found this approach to life quite refreshing in many ways, but still decided to pick and choose who I told and how much I said, then Mark began transition to become Sophia and was living in female role 99% of the time, so I had to have the talk with my mother.
The biggest and most important questions from my mother were about how this affected our sex life, did it mean I was a lesbian?
She didn't ask as directly as that, but that was what she meant. I answered her the same way I did everyone else..............there's far more to being intimate with someone than the old in and out.
I emphasised that it was the same person inside, the person I'd met and fell in love with, it was just the exterior that was changing as far as everyone else was concerned.
I got used to answering those questions over the next few months, at times it was amusing and at others exasperating at how narrow minded people are that they can't think outside those boxes of either heterosexual or lesbian sex.
It wasn't just vanilla folk either.
I was very proud of how my family accepted Sophia. I'm sure it was partly because I gave them the opportunity to get to know Mark first and delayed explaining about Sophia for a few months.
My mother worried that other members of my family would not be so accepting, but she was wrong. All my uncles cared about was that I was happy...........and I was, very much so.
Sophia was a very special person, how could anyone not love her?
She came into my office one day to pick me up and was introduced to a guy I work with, a misogynistic homophobe. He shook hands with her, talked a little and found his perceptions changed about trans people at least.
After she died my sister in law asked me if Mark (they reverted to Mark after her death rather than Sophia), was into rubber and bondage. Apparently she'd been to see a Medium and he'd told her someone she knew who was recently passed over was into that.
I answered truthfully, he was involved in all that before we met. I didn't see the point in explaining it was a big part of our life together and I was still involved in that lifestyle. I didn't ask questions about their sex life, why should they know about mine?
So the point of this blog?
Choose carefully who you feel the need to out yourself to.
Choose carefully how much you decide to tell them.
Work out why you feel they need to know, is it to their benefit? If not then why do you need to tell them?
Remember once you do tell someone they may tell others, how would you feel about that?
Release the genie from the bottle and you can't put it back in again.
Some people may surprise you with how accepting and supportive they are of your lifestyle choices.
You have to accept that not everyone will be able to understand your lifestyle choices and may not be able to deal with it and their choice may be to remove themselves from your life.
Of course if you're amazingly happy you want to share the reasons for that with people you care about.
Likewise if you're going through a tough time you may need their support, but maybe you could still get that without being specific as to why.
Life is about balance, choices, sharing. It may be a cliche to say no man is an island, but it's still true none the less.
We need others around us, sometimes to help us paddle our canoe, sometimes to lay back and enjoy the ride. None of us knows what's around the next bend.
How we travel the river of life is our choice, just don't forget to appreciate the surroundings as we float on by.





"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
 DanesWood

Wednesday 9 May 2012

John The Sadist


John The Sadist

In my continuing effort to document more of my experiences I thought I’d share this particular adventure.

Back in the mists of time during my first D/s relationship, I spent an afternoon with my Master in a hotel room. For several hours I was flogged, nipple clamped, fucked and generally used for his pleasure.
At the end of it I was sore and happy, being kissed and hugged by him before we had to leave. I reminded Master that I was going to have dinner with a man I’d been friends with online for several years.
John was a pure sadist; I’d been fascinated for years with stories of his exploits and yet didn’t know why. He’d been trying to persuade me for ages to visit him and play; I’d always laugh and decline politely. I couldn’t understand why I’d want anyone to deliberately hurt me, yet I still wanted to hear more.
When I met Cyan everything started to make sense. I wasn’t a masochist, but the whole BDSM lifestyle definitely had elements I was extremely interested in and needed to explore. Then when I looked back over the years I saw there were times I’d done things that would definitely be considered D/s. I’ve written about a couple of them; see The Mushroom Man for example.
At this point Master informed me he was sending me with an instruction…………I was to beg John to fuck my arse.
I burst out laughing and said there no point me even asking him to do such a thing and Master asked me why not.
“Because he’s a sadist. He can’t get it up for sex,” was my reply.
Master gave me a look somewhere between disbelief and indulgence in my naivety, then told me I was to ask anyway. I nodded my compliance with a smile, but knew it was something that couldn’t happen.
An hour later I parked outside John’s house and walked up the path to the front door of his very average looking semi-detached. The small front garden was a little unkempt but the house looked generally well maintained and clean from the outside.
I rang the bell and the door was opened by John. He was 5’10”, balding, glasses and more than a little overweight. He wore a shirt and trousers with the top 2 buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up.
John gave me a hug and invited me inside and I followed him into the kitchen where he was busy cooking our meal.
I was handed a mug of black coffee and I lent against the door frame watching him work, chatting away and sipping the steaming brew.
After a while I decided it was time I told John what Master had said……
“Oh by the way. I’ve been sent with an instruction.” My eyes looked over the top of the mug as I took a nervous sip and waited for his response.
Turning towards me a little John raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Oh yes, and what’s that then?”
I felt ridiculous even saying it. I knew John couldn’t have normal sex and I didn’t want to embarrass him, but I didn’t want to disappoint my Master either. There was also a very small part of me that was nervous in case John could actually fuck me and he’d exaggerated his problem. You know how you get that imp on your shoulder whispering to you at times like this, making you think the worst.
John barely paused in his stirring of the food in the saucepan, just looked at me quizzically and asked me what I’d said in response to that.
I laughed, I couldn’t help myself.
“I told him, you can’t get it up for sex.” Then took a big swallow of coffee and looked into my mug to avoid looking at John.
John didn’t seem at all phased by this, just turned to me and asked if I’d like to play with him.
It was odd, after all the years of telling him there was no chance, I was now inordinately curious what it would be like. I think by this time I was starting to regain some of my confidence and was perhaps even a little cocky.
“Well………..I’m here, so why not.” I was so casual in my acceptance, but my stomach flipped and my heart pounded.
John nodded and finished cooking the meal after telling me we’d eat first.
Dinner was served in the lounge and we chatted over lots of different things while we ate and my nerves settled, but eventually it was time and John led me up the stairs to his bedroom.
“Right first of all I’m going to give you an enema and a bath, so take your clothes off and go into the bathroom.”
Now this was exciting, I loved anal play and the idea of a prolonged session with anything in my arse was a huge turn on.
I hurriedly stripped off my clothes and stepped across the landing into the generously sized bathroom. John was busy running a bath and filling up the hot water bottle style enema equipment with warm soapy water.
“I’ve never had an enema before,” I looked nervously at the amount of water going into the rubber container.
“Then I won’t make you hold it and you can stay close to the toilet so you won’t make a mess.” John had obviously initiated others in the joys of enemas.
Turning off the bath taps after checking the temperature with his hand he instructed me to kneel on the floor and then adjusted my position to suit himself.
The nozzle on the hose was lubricated a little and then pushed inside me.
I had mixed emotions, the sensation of something entering my arse was most enjoyable, but I was also fearful of the consequences and I knew I’d be mortally embarrassed if I disgraced myself.
Gradually the warm liquid emptied into me. John kept coaxing me to accept more and more until eventually he was satisfied I was full. I felt desperate to empty myself and was relieved when John told me I could sit on the toilet and expel the water.
Water and bodily waste gushed out of me and into the toilet accompanied by loud farts as I emptied myself. The process took several minutes and when I was empty John had me kneel again and refilled me.
This time as I emptied I sat on the toilet giggling at the absurdity of the situation, I can’t say I found it arousing at all. I might just as well been attending a session at a clinic for colonic irrigation there was about as much passion and probably less interaction from John.
When I was empty I climbed into the bath and washed myself as John had instructed. I didn’t linger as John was growing impatient in the other room and urging me to hurry.
I climbed out of the bath, quickly dried myself and took the towel with me into the bedroom.
“Lie across the bed on your back and spread your legs.” John was in business mode now and positioned myself on the bed widthways, legs open and knees bent for his inspection.
There was no preliminary, no talking and touching to relax me, the first thing I felt was cold metal being pushed into my pussy and I realised it was a speculum being inserted and opened.
When John was happy I was opened as much as possible he pushed something else inside me and I could feel and hear it pinging against the metal speculum.
“I want you to guess what this is. Guess correctly and I’ll stop.”
It was an incredibly strange sensation, not exactly painful, but it was odd to hear it pinging and not feel the object itself just the metal vibrating against me as the object moved against it.
I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate, but nothing came to me.
“Ok as you’re not getting it, let’s try it this way.” John removed the speculum and pushed the object back inside me again and span it around quickly. I gasped at the intensity and the horrible sensation inside me. I still couldn’t work out what it was, just knew I wanted it out of me.
“I’ve no idea” I squeaked. “What on earth is it?”
John removed the horrid thing from my pussy and waved it in the air in front of me. A spiky round hairbrush, no wonder the sodding thing hurt and this was just the beginning.
Putting the brush to one side John picked up a ball with a rope attached, it was a similar size to a tennis ball and made of rubber. Snapping on latex gloves he then began to stretch me with his fingers before trying to insert the ball.
Now as someone who wasn’t even a kit-kat girl (you don’t get four fingers in me), I didn’t rate his chances at all and squirmed and wriggled as he worked on me.
There was nothing at all pleasurable about any of it and eventually a very frustrated John gave up trying to insert the ball into my pussy and changed his focus to my arse.
Now I wasn’t sure if he’d succeed there or not, being an anal whore I’m more prepared to tolerate pain there in exchange for pleasure, but even there despite him working on me for some time he failed to insert the ball.
Disappointed he gave up and sent me to have another bath and cleanse myself of my bodily juices and whatever lube he’d used, although not entirely sure there was any.
“I did warn you I was tight,” I reminded him. I’m not sure that helped the situation, or his patience with me.
After another quick wash in the bath and drying myself off I returned to the bedroom to find John waving a cane around nonchalantly.  I’d never been caned before either. I was curious to know what it felt like, but wasn’t sure I wanted to experience the pain that came with that.
“Bend over the bed and show me your arse,” he instructed.
Obediently I stood at the side of the bed and bent over with legs spread and head touching the bed.
“But John, what about the warm up? A flogging or something?” I was really nervous now. John’s response to that question has remained with me ever since and still makes me laugh.
“Flogging?” he replied with a disgusted sneer. “Far too much effort for too little gain.”
Despite myself I couldn’t help but laugh and then regretted it as I was given 6 of the best with the cane and the stinging, burning sensations it created had me gasping.
Putting the cane away John again instructed me to lay widthways across the bed. Then onto my already excruciatingly sore nipples he clipped on the clover clamps and began yanking the chain whilst shoving his cock into my mouth.
I couldn’t concentrate on sucking him because my nipples were just screaming at me. Master had already given them a lot of attention with the clamps and his teeth that afternoon and I begged for mercy, reminding John I’d already played once that day.
Once more despite my predicament I laughed to myself at his response to my pleading.  
“That’s not my problem,” he said disinterestedly. “You came to me as fresh meat.”
After several minutes of nipple abuse and sucking his flaccid cock, he moved away from me and walked around the other side of the bed where I’d left my small bag of toys.
“I suppose we ought to give you an orgasm,” he said. The tone of voice he used to say this told me it was something he really didn’t consider something he enjoyed at all and in fact totally boring.
“John” I exclaimed. “You make it sound like such a chore.”
“Oh it is, believe me….it is.” Then he threw my vibrator at me and told me to get myself off with it.
He stuck his still flaccid cock back into my mouth for me to suck while I rubbed the vibrator against my clit. Eventually I had something of an orgasm, but it wasn’t the best I’ve had by a long way. His lack of interest in my enjoyment, the burning agony of my nipples and the just needing to get it done with were not exactly inspiring.
I jerked and grunted as my clit and pussy spasmed before putting the vibrator down. John chose this moment to remove the clamps and I squealed in agony as he massaged them back to life.
He allowed me a few moments to get myself together, then lay on the bed beside me propped up with pillows and began to masturbate.
As he stroked his cock, which still didn’t get very hard, he described one of his previous scenes with another girl.
Someone he’d played with regularly and by all accounts, a masochist of the first order.
She agreed to forgo any safe word and John restrained her in a kneeling position with access to her anus.
He took 28 very small safety pins and a length of twine. Pinching together the skin around the taint on one side of her anus he very slowly pushed the safety pin through and fastened it into place. He tied the twine to the pin and wrapped it around her front and to the other side of her anus where he inserted another safety pin into the skin he pinched together on the taint.
Pulling the twine tight this created a ridge of skin on both sides of her anus in the taint. Now his fun could really begin.
Very, very slowly, over a number of hours, he inserted all 28 of those pins. At one point he gleefully told me, he stopped to slacken the twine off a little because the tautness meant the pins were pushing through too easily and he couldn’t have that.
Once all the pins were in place the girl was left for 2 hours and then he returned to remove the safety pins and this is where he discovered a bonus……….it was as much fun removing them as inserting them because they’d all sealed in.
It took a number of hours for him to remove them all and during this time the girl was in absolute agony.
At the conclusion of the story John shot his load all over his stomach as he vigorously stroked his cock. Then he lay there looking smugly pleased with himself.
I didn’t hang around too long after we’d finished as I’d a long drive home to Liverpool, but it was with a sore arse, sore nipples and bemused smile that I climbed into my car.
John gave me several firsts that day and an overall experience that’s stayed with me ever since. Someone so totally opposite to me I couldn’t imagine play wise, but I learned a lot from it.







"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
 DanesWood

Tuesday 8 May 2012

Reconnecting

I've had a lovely weekend. I had to work both Saturday and Sunday, but St was able to come up on Saturday night and so I got to spend an extra night with him.
Every time I see him it just gets better. We spend most of our time together in vanilla mode, but more kink is definitely creeping in and I flogged and caned him today.
What we've found is we need to physically reconnect as soon after meeting up as we can. To kiss, hug and fuck when possible. Then we take our time to do whatever feels right.






"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing." 
DanesWood