Monday, 26 March 2012

This Was My Weekend

Life is often surreal, but most certainly this last few days has brought a couple of surprises.
My first Dom has reappeared out of the blue and has been talking to a friend of mine online for the last few weeks and now they plan to get together.  Feels a little odd, but I hope it works out for them. He and I have certainly enjoyed teasing her about things he could do to her.
He's the reason I began my diary all those years ago.
Which leads me to the second surreal event. Someone began leaving comments on my website a few days ago on the story about the Irish man and the story he wrote in reply from the male perspective.
This person claimed to be married to the Irishman in the story and prompted me to post a comment of my own querying this. Imagine my surprise when I received an email from a woman confirming that she is indeed married to him and wanting to know all about the story and how I knew him.
We had a close online friendship and it was years ago. I'm amazed he told her about the story because it was certain to prompt questions. I hope it's not caused him any problems.
I spent Friday night with St, we had a lovely night together, a romantic Italian meal and fabulous sex.
I had several orgasms, mostly with me cumming on his tongue and gushing all over his face. It all made me incredibly spacey and I ended up zonking in his arms, totally blissed out.
On Saturday morning I introduced St to breath play. Nothing too intense just enough to give him a lovely buzz and when I put my hand over his mouth and nose as he was about to cum he exploded inside me.
After a very vanilla start to our relationship it would seem that kink is indeed creeping in

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Thursday, 22 March 2012

Relationships And The Parabolic Arch

What the heck do they have in common you might ask. I’ll tell you.

 A parabolic arch is a simple enough looking structure that is extremely strong if correctly constructed, weak and certain to collapse if not.

 The roof of this house this house  is an unsupported parabolic arch, constructed from thousands of clay tiles fixed together with plaster of paris.

This particular arch was created with a layer of tiles laid lengthways with the next layer in a herringbone pattern, the third layer lengthways and so on.
It has several tons of gravel and soil for the grass covering to grown in over the top too for both aesthetic and practical reasons.

During its construction half of the roof was completed with the other half still a single layer, when one of the builders accidentally leant on the incomplete half and a huge section of the roof collapsed. Thankfully nobody was injured and the house was eventually completed and is a beautiful and practical family home.

It was watching this house being built on the Grand Designs program on Channel 4 that made me realise that the best relationships are built in the same way. Not from layers of clay tiles, but the building blocks of life.

We meet someone, there’s a mutual attraction and together you tentatively take the first steps. A date, a kiss, the first building block is placed. Ok for us it may not be a kiss, but replace that with whatever is appropriate. It could be you got bent over and had your arse caned red raw the first time you met, a BDSM equivalent of a kiss.

Slowly we build the layers of our parabolic arch by spending time together, making the effort to make our new partner happy and enjoying the exploration of getting to know each other.

We grow to trust each other, to lean on this significant other and support each other through the trials life throws at us and continue the relationship, like this roof protects from the elements and keeps the house standing.

What happens to a relationship when you put too much pressure on a weak point?
It collapses and fails.

Sometimes we don’t know where the vulnerabilities lie. Perhaps the relationship is too new and flounders before it’s really had chance to get off the ground because one or both (or more) of you, accidentally or even recklessly behave in a way that causes collapse.

Maybe it’s something that’s not been discussed or not expected to arise.

Other times we do know what may cause a relationship to fail, it’s these areas we can work to strengthen and hopefully avoid that catastrophic collapse, but it’s only by taking the time to slowly and carefully nurture our relationship and enjoy the fruits of our labour as we see it grow stronger day by day until eventually it will withstand almost anything.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Thursday, 15 March 2012

On The Tip Of His Tongue

I'm struggling a little today, I miss what I had with S. Well I don't miss the crap I had to put up with, but I do miss what was good about our relationship. 
It's hard to read about his latest activities and know he's out playing and fucking others, but I just couldn't allow him to ride roughshod over my feelings like that.
I am very lucky with St though, he's a really lovely man who has proved to me he has great depth of character. There's no D/s in our relationship, although there is some kink creeping into our sex life slowly.
I think it will develop more, at the moment St is enjoying rediscovering vanilla sex, something he certainly didn't expect. He can't get enough of me, how flattered am I that as soon as we're alone in a room with a bed he wants his head buried between my legs. The most amazing oral sex I've ever been on the receiving end of ever.
Somehow to cum into your lovers mouth is so erotic and intimate, it's more than just sex somehow even with someone you're not that involved with.
Every time he makes me cum I gush and apparently it gets up his nose and all over his face. Thankfully he loves it lol
If only we could turn feelings off though. How can I still be craving what the three of us shared when it all ended in such a way? But I do. There's no going back, that is for certain. I'd not consider getting involved with anyone else unless St was included too now either. He's proved to me he's a very special person and I want him in my life for a long time.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Monday, 5 March 2012

The Dreaded Green-Eyed Monster

Well the couple S and I were friends with have also broken up now over the issue of poly.
Talking to her is so similar to  conversation with S, if I closed my eyes I could almost imagine it was him and not her. In fact I can almost predict what the next thing she'll say will be.
Is this a coincidence? I'm really not sure. It's a little of the chicken and egg situation, she's been used to having several lovers at the same time until she met J, then they both took a decision to be monogamous.
Since befriending S her desire to have multiple sexual relationships has resufaced, but would it have anyway?
I do know it made me even more grateful for what I'm building with St. Yes we may wish to include another partner at some point in the future, but at the moment he has no wish to share the time we manage together as he says there's too little of it.
Posting online to show my appreciation sparked off a major rant from S and I found myself blocked and deleted from every network we had contact on.
Amazing that someone preaching multiple partners can have the worst jealousy issues of anyone I've ever been involved with and it wasn't me looking for other partners.
The greeneyed monster is a tough enemy to fight for anyone. For someone with major security issues who (in my opinion), compounds those by opening up their relationship in such a way, is really going to struggle.
Jealousy was something I'd never experienced until a couple of years ago. I'd always believed if someone wants to be with you, they will. Nothing you do can really influence that, not really.
After Sophia died though it was almost as though everything I'd ever thought was me was ripped away, thrown back together in a different way never to be the same again.
Jealousy stems from insecurity and what rocks your world more than having your soulmate commit suicide.
In that case it wasn't that she didn't want to be with me, she just couldn't live with the amount of emotional pain she was in because of her being denied contact with the children.
So no matter how much someone wants to be with you, sometimes they just can't be.
I did feel jealous about S having other lovers, but I managed to work through the earlier difficulties. Maybe I would've managed to work through the latter one, but it was just too big a hurdle too soon in the relationship and in many respects it was as though how I felt didn't matter enough for him to slow down. In his own words he was riding the crest of a wave and loving every moment.
The irony of him denying his issues with jealousy and twisting everything so I felt to blame never escaped me though.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Friday, 2 March 2012

Spring- Time For New Beginnings

It's been a few days now, the dust has settled for the most part and far from feeling I'm left holding a twig I now feel like I've witnessed the planting of a sapling that with time and care has the potential to grow into a beautiful tree.
S has been angry and bitter at times, but we've talked a little and have resolved to be friends, although that is a very fragile state at the moment. I stuck with it despite every angry comment he threw at me.
I'd promised him that if we broke up then we would be friends and as he was the one struggling more than me, I took it as my responsibility to ensure that happened.
St has had very little contact with S, he doesn't feel ready yet and what little contact there has been from S has also been rather angry although St says my paving the way has definitely helped and hopes that shortly he and S will be talking as friends again.
I do find myself rather stunned at the depth of emotion St has for me. He was always so quiet and unassuming, said so little beyond chit chat to me and now I learn from him that the first night we fucked he was smitten. It wasn't the actual sex, but the fact that I'd spent some time cuddling up to him in the lounge while talking to everyone there that night so he felt his presence was wanted by me and he was cared about.
Isn't it amazing what some affectionate physical contact can do, even though it was totally non sexual, just friendly. I think he's been starved of caring physical contact and affection for a long time and now he's determined to make the most of something he wasn't looking for, but happens to have found.
I don't feel that huge rush that I had and still have for S, but I do have some very strong feelings for St and my priority now is to protect and nurture what we have together. I am actually quite hopeful that because we're so similar in many ways that we could actually have something very special.
Looking forward to spending the weekend with St, lots of kisses and cuddles, some great sex and no worries that when we're apart he'll be fucking others.
He's a very kind and loving man who wasn't looking for anything relationship wise and then I came into his life and now he says he can't imagine me not being around. What a huge difference I've made for him, put a spring into his stride and a huge smile on his face.
For me I feel loved and cared for in a way I've not for a long time and I'm more than happy to see where this goes.

Something that hasn't escaped me though, both S and the female friend he fucked a few weeks ago are both in his constant pursuit of happiness and believe they need total freedom in order to be happy and yet neither are ever satisfied. It's almost as though they can't see what's right under their noses. Perhaps they're so used to looking for the next fuck buddy or partner to enhance their lives that they don't realise the ones they have already can actually give them just about everything they're looking for.
At the moment it looks like she and her partner have broken up. I spent 2 hours on the phone talking to him yesterday being an ear. I listened to him vent, talk about how he felt, explained some more about how it had been for me. The situation is so similar, but perhaps that is partly influenced by S now, I don't know.
S was spent last evening with her trying to support her, but I also suspect he spent the night there and if they fucked I suspect that there's no chance of her and her partner getting back together as it would just be a bridge too far for him.
The irony of them both being unhappy and dissatisfied with their lot is amazing as they're the ones advocating this free loving lifestyle, which is fine........but sometimes you need to pause and take stock and actually think about what you have, not what you don't.
I for one am only thinking about what I have now and I'm going to enjoy it.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."