Friday, 2 March 2012

Spring- Time For New Beginnings

It's been a few days now, the dust has settled for the most part and far from feeling I'm left holding a twig I now feel like I've witnessed the planting of a sapling that with time and care has the potential to grow into a beautiful tree.
S has been angry and bitter at times, but we've talked a little and have resolved to be friends, although that is a very fragile state at the moment. I stuck with it despite every angry comment he threw at me.
I'd promised him that if we broke up then we would be friends and as he was the one struggling more than me, I took it as my responsibility to ensure that happened.
St has had very little contact with S, he doesn't feel ready yet and what little contact there has been from S has also been rather angry although St says my paving the way has definitely helped and hopes that shortly he and S will be talking as friends again.
I do find myself rather stunned at the depth of emotion St has for me. He was always so quiet and unassuming, said so little beyond chit chat to me and now I learn from him that the first night we fucked he was smitten. It wasn't the actual sex, but the fact that I'd spent some time cuddling up to him in the lounge while talking to everyone there that night so he felt his presence was wanted by me and he was cared about.
Isn't it amazing what some affectionate physical contact can do, even though it was totally non sexual, just friendly. I think he's been starved of caring physical contact and affection for a long time and now he's determined to make the most of something he wasn't looking for, but happens to have found.
I don't feel that huge rush that I had and still have for S, but I do have some very strong feelings for St and my priority now is to protect and nurture what we have together. I am actually quite hopeful that because we're so similar in many ways that we could actually have something very special.
Looking forward to spending the weekend with St, lots of kisses and cuddles, some great sex and no worries that when we're apart he'll be fucking others.
He's a very kind and loving man who wasn't looking for anything relationship wise and then I came into his life and now he says he can't imagine me not being around. What a huge difference I've made for him, put a spring into his stride and a huge smile on his face.
For me I feel loved and cared for in a way I've not for a long time and I'm more than happy to see where this goes.

Something that hasn't escaped me though, both S and the female friend he fucked a few weeks ago are both in his constant pursuit of happiness and believe they need total freedom in order to be happy and yet neither are ever satisfied. It's almost as though they can't see what's right under their noses. Perhaps they're so used to looking for the next fuck buddy or partner to enhance their lives that they don't realise the ones they have already can actually give them just about everything they're looking for.
At the moment it looks like she and her partner have broken up. I spent 2 hours on the phone talking to him yesterday being an ear. I listened to him vent, talk about how he felt, explained some more about how it had been for me. The situation is so similar, but perhaps that is partly influenced by S now, I don't know.
S was spent last evening with her trying to support her, but I also suspect he spent the night there and if they fucked I suspect that there's no chance of her and her partner getting back together as it would just be a bridge too far for him.
The irony of them both being unhappy and dissatisfied with their lot is amazing as they're the ones advocating this free loving lifestyle, which is fine........but sometimes you need to pause and take stock and actually think about what you have, not what you don't.
I for one am only thinking about what I have now and I'm going to enjoy it.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

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