Friday, 27 January 2012

Unlucky 13?

What an incredible night. For someone who has always had a problem with orgasms to become multi-orgasmic is a miracle I think.
He'd promised me a wonderful last night together and he certainly delivered.
I spent the afternoon giving myself enemas to ensure I was clean, then a bath. Naked, warm and relaxed I sat on the bed talking to St, who was also naked of course.
S served us pasta for supper and they had a glass of wine each. After we'd eaten I was instructed to lay on my stomach so they could begin.
A few spanks, lots of light caning and the odd whack from a paddle. A good flogging with various floggers from horsehair to suede. All helped me to relax, despite the fact quite a bit of it made me squirm and ouch. I also had a full hand print from one of the spanks S gave me.
I'm not into the pain side, it's more enduring to please my Dom, yet despite that I still get incredibly wet.
When S decided I'd had enough, he turned me over and they both began to kiss and caress me.
Having St rubbing my G spot it wasn't long before I was begging permission to cum. A short break and a repeat of the first.
Most of what happened after that is a blur, but after being fingered, bitten, kissed and stroked by both of them I exploded not just once, but twice.
The pair of them were highly amused when my screaming in ecstacy became ear splitting in intensity.
Again we took a break and all cuddled together while I recovered, but there wasn't much rest allowed before once more I was being toyed with and that's exactly how I felt, like a fuck toy for their amusement.
I think St fucked me next, but couldn't stay hard for too long, so instead he went down on me and brought me to another orgasm with tngue and fingers. My cumming made him hard again and he slipped his cock into my incredibly sensitive pussy while S kissed me and stroked me.
I begged for St to be allowed to cum, then St asked permission too and when S said it was ok he just exploded inside me. It was such a turn on I came too. Not satisfied with that though he again began to finger fuck me and I think it was now that S began to finger fuck my ass too because I know I had several anal orgasms and another G spot one about now.
S was so turned on by now that he wanted to fuck me too. He put on his cock ring and pushed inside me. I'd kept my eyes closed much of the time enjoying the sensations, but I opened them and looked at him as he began to thrust and that was it, he tipped over the edge and came.
He said the look I gave him was just too much and he couldn't control himself.
Far from being disappointed I found an incredible turn on that he was so excited because he's always so controlled when fucking me and won't always cum because he knows how much enjoy it and he likes to make me wait.
More cuddling with me in the middle, then S decided that St should perform clean up duties, a first for him to clean up after someone else apparently.
At first he was hesitant, but as soon as his tongue touched my pussy he was lost and his moans of excitement made S and I smile.
Of course I was made to cum again.........and again and just for luck, again.
In all I had at least 13 orgasms plus several anal ones. I can't begin to express how amazing that feels.
After St left S and I cuddled and kissed and he told me that smouldering look I gave him was his undoing. Hard again he fucked me and filled me with his cum again, then we snuggled down together and slept.
This morning we've said our goodbyes, he fucked me again and left me full of cum. I'm sat on his bed all packed and ready to go home.
He says he'll miss me, I know I'll miss him.
It may seem an odd thing to say considering most of my sexual pleasure was provided by St last night, under the instruction and supervision of S, but I feel I belong to S more than ever now.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Swimming In The Fish Pond

This lifestyle is so incestuous.
We're a small section of the UK population so there's bound to be some instances of others having been involved with someone from your past at some point, but there are times it gets really silly.
I've written previously about a woman I discovered was having a cyber relationship of some sort with my last Dom M.
She's also an ex playmate of S and still a very close friend.
Women have a way of making bitchy remarks that to observers seem like casual comments, or even quite friendly, when in fact they're the opposite.
I'd confided in S about the first encounter with her and how it made me feel. Last night she turned up at the party and I didn't recognise who she was, but knew I'd met her before.
First words out of her mouth were "apparently you really don't like me, but I don't know what I've done." Then she laughed.
I have told other people what happened, but my first thought was that S had told her what I'd said to him. I suspect that's why she did it, to undermine my trust in him.
Maybe it sounds paranoid, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
I just don't get why people can be like that. Is she pissed off because I'm with her ex? Despite the fact she has a Dom and several other playmates.
There she was surrounded by people who know her well and think she's wonderful and I'm just sat there feeling like I've been punched in the stomach.
It's probably the biggest negative about the lifestyle, so many connections to other people.
S says he's not told her what I said, but I am pretty sure he has talked to her about that first encounter, goodness knows why he felt the need to do that because all it's done is stir things up and make them worse as far as I'm concerned.
He can't see what my issue is, that I'm being over sensitive. Perhaps I am, but that doesn't change how I feel.
I feel even more awkward now about meeting up with her again because he's going to side with her no matter what she says. I know I need to try and ignore her and not let her words affect me, but that's easier said than done.
The play party was lovely, everyone had a good time and looking forward to the next one in February, hopefully I'll be there too.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Party Time

Last night we just chilled, talked about us a little and some more preparation for the play party he has organised for tonight. So far over 80 people have said they're going to attend and after the official event is over he's invited a small number back to his flat.
I was reminded by him how important I am to him, that I matter. He knows that I need to hear it sometimes, my history has taught me that any happiness is fleeting and that I'm far from important for just about everyone. I know how he feels about me, it's so easy to see in how he touches me and looks at me, him saying it just reinforces what I already know.
Tonight should be interesting, I'm curious what he has in mind for me. He's going to be circulating all evening and ensuring everyone has a good time. S wants this to be a success so he can run the play party each month. He held one in October and apparently it was really good and everyone enjoyed it, so fingers crossed.
S has told me he wants me to find someone to play with tonight if I'd like to. St will be there and coming back to the flat afterwards, so maybe I'll Top him. If he's busy elsewhere I'm sure I can find someone.
It'll be the after party that might get interesting, think S has something in mind, but it will depend how the evening goes to see if it actually happens. I trust him to look after me, the last thing he'd ever want to do is upset me or put me into a negative situation.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Monday, 23 January 2012

Earth to Planet Zog

I had the most surreal experience last night. S is trying to help me to orgasm more easily, he wants me to be highly orgasmic and aroused as much as possible.
I've no objections to any of that at all, I'm horny almost all the time anyway, but achieving orgasms has never been the easiest thing to say the least.
I'm not permitted to use my Hitachi magic wand at the moment, until now that's been the only way I've achieved any sort of orgasm when masturbating for a very long time.
He lay next to me in bed just stroking my body and clit while we watched a film together. I was incredibly relaxed knowing there was no pressure, just enjoying the sensations of being touched.
After the film finished he moved down between my legs and spread my pussy wide instructing me to rub my clit with my fingers, he wanted to watch me.
At first I felt very little, it took what felt like forever to build into any sort of sensation, something I'd never bother doing for myself. Gradually I could feel myself getting wetter and more aroused and S could tell.
I could feel myself right on the brink of orgasm and I stopped, silly silly me, I know by now if I stop when at that stage I'll never cum.
All I'd wanted was to moisten my fingers to make it more pleasurable, but in that moment I felt all was lost.
Before I could express my frustration his gentle voice instructed me to begin again, to keep going because I was going to cum and he wanted to see it.
Amazingly when I did begin to rub my clit again my orgasm did begin to build again and I could also feel my head getting very floaty and spacey.
I don't know how long it was before I begged permission to cum, time seemed to lose all meaning, but I know I'd barely finished asking before he granted it. S knows I always wait until the very last moment to ask, something he intends to have fun with when my orgasms are more easily achievable.
He held my pussy wide and his face literally a couple of inches away watching me cum, all the time remarking how gorgeous it was to watch, how fantastic I am etc etc.
The orgasm rolled on and on and my head just totally left the planet. I was so spaced out I was incoherent and it took him a little while to realise that I'd arrived on planet Zog.
Hugs, kisses, strokes and talking softly to me until I was a little more with it, able to talk and describe my experience.
What a lovely gorgeous man he is, pushing me, stretching me physically and mentally, showing me care and affection. He accepts my limitations and yet I know he will and is challenging them to improve my life and therefore give him more of what he wants from me.
He's at work today and I'm waiting for him to come home, we've a whole week together and quite a lot to fit in, but the best part is just spending time with S.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Electrically Orgasmic

I'm staying with S for a week and after work on Friday I drove over 100 miles to be with him. It was late when I arrived and I was instructed to strip and get into bed with him.
It felt fabulous being held and stroked by him as we talked about our day and how lovely to be together again.
Soft kisses from him across my back and shoulders, a reassurance that he was just relaxing me and knew I'd be tired so didn't expect sex. I soon changed his mind on that one. I wanted to feel that intense connection again and didn't take long before he was fucking me incredibly slowly and erotically. I almost came several times from that alone, which would've been a first.
After about 3 hours or more of sensual play he gave me a lovely orgasm and we curled up to sleep together sometime around 4am.
Next morning he waited for me to wake up and then again fucked me nice and slowly, getting me highly aroused and keeping me there for what felt like forever before making me cum.
Even afterwards while we got ready to visit a friend he was making sure I was still aroused, I guessed this was because he'd planned for us to play with her and probably with me on the receiving end, hence him keeping me horny.
I've flirted with J for the last few weeks and think we could have a lot of fun, especially as she's drooling over my new horse hair flogger.
Sadly as her Dom couldn't be there, he didn't want us to play without him, so that's all on hold for now. I'm interested to see how it will pan out though.
Last night we were so late back from socialising with J though we didn't go out to the club event we'd planned and stayed home to play instead. My upper body was pallet wrapped, I was blindfolded and tied to the bed on my back with legs spread wide.
I was flogged, pegged, bitten, licked, sucked, slapped and an electrical probe inserted first vaginally and then anally with an inflatable dildo in my pussy.
Talk about hugely turned on, there were so many sensations going on my mind was just blown most of the time. I had the most amazing orgasm, yet again lol and then after he fucked me and filled me with cum we slept snuggled up.
I'm here for a week, looking forward to the adventure ahead.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Friday, 20 January 2012


I had another fabulous few days with S, our relationship is developing really well. We communicate fabulously and that's something I've always found difficult, to talk about how I feel.
The play is fantastic, the sex mind blowing. We get along really well in a vanilla context too, we've a good circle of friends and I feel like we've been together for years sometimes it feels so comfortable now.
He's an intelligent, caring man and wants nothing but the best for me and for us. I'm sure there'll be trials ahead, but I'm hoping that we can work through them, I know we'll both try our best to.
Yesterday I was totally shocked, he wants to choose a collar for me. I asked him if he meant a play collar, he replied "no, a collar collar for you to wear."
Apparently me saying I hate taking off my slave bracelets when I leave him has prompted this, so he wants me to have a symbol of belonging to him. He says as we've both every intention of continuing our relationship and for both of us a collar is a very powerful symbol of commitment to each other then it's right.
I'm in no rush for it to happen, the knowledge he wants to collar me is amazing, but neither of us is going anywhere, so we can take our time. Sharing his feelings with me draws me even closer to him, because I know he feels similar to me in what a collar means, it's neither given nor taken lightly.
Today I'm going back to spend a week with him, lots of play time, down time and us time. I'm really looking forward to it.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Monday, 16 January 2012

Fairy Luscious

Last night was just gorgeous, S came to meet St and I at the fetish market after party. I spent the afternoon wandering amongst the crowd talking to people I know, meeting a few I knew from online but had not met before too.
It was the annual fashion show yesterday, so a lot of people had made a fantastic effort to look absolutely stunning.
I had a couple of hours after the end of the market before S arrived and was very happy that St arrived at the party early.
I'd discussed Topping him a few days before as he's quite a masochist and I thought he'd be someone to help get my confidence back to play, I was right.
I did some nipple play on him while we just sat and chatted, a friend of his joined in but she's a sub with a sadistic streak and just seems to enjoy inflicting lots of pain and not caring about the results, I just don't understand that. She used a pinwheel on his nipple so hard she made him bleed and then tried to say she'd not done it.
Thankfully I'd done almost as much nipple play as I'd wanted to anyway, so after a cuddle and a chat I asked him to lay across some stools. I couldn't go and use the superb equipment there as S had now arrived and asked me to look after his coat and wallet for a while.
I used some nice gentle floggers to get S warmed up and his bottom was nicely red I moved onto my canes. I've not caned anyone properly in well over a year and even that was only briefly not a full play session.
He was totally away with the fairies by the time I got my heavy tawse out, I gave him 6 nicely spaced out strokes from it and then stopped.
Some gorgeous cane weals but no broken skin and I'd totally loved it.
S arrived back at the table as I was sitting cuddling St.
A full on kiss from him almost blew my mind as I was in a lovely headspace from the play. I excused myself and went to the toilet, even I was amazed at how soaking I was down there, it was like someone had emptied a bottle of lube over me lol.
Of course I had to tell S when I got back to the table, so he thought it amusing to tease me about whether I'd end up in his bed being ravished or not. I didn't think there'd be much chance of me not being and I was right lol.
Once back at his place we stripped and were in bed very quickly, he held my hair and kissed me. He told me how much he'd enjoyed me playing with St and how proud he was of me that I've found that headspace again. He also told me he loved the fact it had turned me on so much and as a reward I'd get to cum.
I was kissed, stroked, pinched, bitten, fingered and fucked. I came quite easily once, but despite S continuing to play with me and keeping me on the edge for what felt like forever, I didn't cum again. I was definitely off in lala land though and there's a few minutes I've no clue about.
I do remember in a very slurry voice telling him I loved him and his reply of "awwww, I love you too."
So a few hours afterwards of sleeping snuggled up together before he went to work and now I'm waiting till he gets home so he can ravish me again.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Sunday, 8 January 2012

Back To Reality

Life has settled down a little in the last week. I'm back at work and not much time for anything else really.
S and I have talked a lot though, he's still confused about what he wants I think,  but then so am I in relation to him. I suppose the acid test will be if he fucks another woman. I've told him if he has penetrative sex with anyone without a condom then regardless of testing he and I will be condoms only from then on.
He's told me he was upset that I removed the rope collar on new years eve and that him being told off by a friend about neglecting me to play with the other girl spoiled the evening for him quite a bit.
I've reassured him I didn't mind the rope play he did on her in the same room as me, after all I arranged that with a Dom I'm aquainted with. It was too good an opportunity to miss as the Dom is well known and excellent with rope bondage.
What I did mind was when he told me that after their play upstairs he'd offered to make her cum to finish off the session. Why??
Is it really necessary after a session using a violet wand and pinwheel, or even impact play, to give the sub/bottom an orgasm? He felt it was polite to offer and she declined.
I'm sorry to say my green eyed monster showed itself during that discussion, but it did mean we had a very open and frank discussion about how we both felt.
He's given me a copy of The Ethical Slut to read, he's hoping it will help me understand how he feels about seeking sexual pleasure with many people. So far I've not discovered anything new in it. In fact I was living that sort of life almost 30 years ago. Gosh that makes me feel old to say that.
He feels he can have meaningful sex with just about anyone, but that doesn't mean that he will and assures me he's not seeking anything else at the moment. In my experience such an approach is rather shallow and I did it as a way of not allowing anyone to get too close to me, which is exactly what I suspect he's doing even if not fully aware of it.
It's natural when we've been badly hurt in a relationship to protect ourselves and shy away from it happening again, but life is about risk and who knows that better than me.
When I look back at my life and consider the hurt I've experienced I wonder why I put myself through all this, but then I remember how wonderful it can be and I put my doubts aside.
S says he feels pangs of jealousy when I talk about my past, I suspect he means with Mark Sophia who committed suicide 2 years ago. That was such an intense and incredibly unique relationship, it's impossible to compare what I have now with that time. Yes it was ended too soon and in an incredibly abrupt manner, but what time we had together was amazing.
Anyone with children who uses them to hurt the other parent should be ashamed of themselves, yet it happens all the time and my beloved paid the ultimate price by not being able to cope.
S hasn't introduced me to his children yet and that's fine by me, I'm quite wary of getting involved with them as it still hurts not being allowed contact with Mark Sophia's children.
It's going to be an interesting year I feel. I've requests to play from several people, some I'll take up, but there won't be anything sexual involved and I'll be topping.
I'm free to do as I please at home now as my flatemate has moved out. I'm going to turn his bedroom into a playroom which should be fun.
At last I'm able to hang up my floggers, or at least I will be when his room has been cleaned and I've got rid of the nicotine smell from his smoking yuk. It's so bad I may have to paint the room to get rid of it totally.
So new adventures ahead and my budding relationship is still budding. It's going to take work and patience, but then anything worthwhile does.
Oh and as an aside.
I've not been able to cum since I came home, I get right to the brink and my mind shuts my body down. I've told him I may well explode before I see him again and if so it's been fabulous knowing him lol.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Happy New Year

Something I always knew would be a problem for me occurred on Thursday evening, he played with a couple we're friendly with.
I've no problem at all accepting non sexual play, but he ended up in bed with the woman and although they didn't have penetrative sex he did masturbate her and she sucked his cock.
He made a choice not to fuck her and save himself for me as I was arriving on Friday afternoon. Was it only timing that helped me to dodge that bullet? I'm not sure. I can't get a straight answer out of S, he just keeps telling me how special I am to him, that I matter very much to him.
I know he has feelings for me, I know he's scared of getting too close in case I leave him too.
Last night we went to a BDSM party and had great fun. As always when we go somewhere together he put a red rope collar around my neck, to him it symbolises that I'm his and to others too it's a hands off message. By the end of the night I removed it myself, no something I've done before and I don't really know why I did, except he'd spent about 3 hours playing with another female sub he's friends with. She was there alone and he wanted her to enjoy the evening too, which was fine, but 3 hours off playing and talking to her was a little more than I'd bargained for.
I've told him I don't want or expect him to change, that wouldn't be fair as I knew what he was like when we got together. I either have to find a way to deal with this, or let go. I've reassured him I don't mind non sexual play, but for him anyone he plays with regulary always builds into a sexual relationship too.
I'm not comfortable subbing in public for play, so he offered to bottom to me and the couple we went with, so between us we spanked, caned, pinwheeled and violet wanted him till he was nice and spacey.
I never thought I could accept a Dom who enjoyed the other side, but it is very much bottoming for his pleasure, not submission, so doesn't feel the same at all.
Silly me had thought as it was a special night he might say something more to me, or ask me to acknowledge publically we're more than we do already, but no, he just kissed me and wished me happy new year.
During our discussion on Friday I asked him how he'd feel if I said we should just be friends. Very sad, was his reply. He looked it too, eyes welled up.
We work beautifully together, I just wish I knew what lay ahead of me so I could prepare for it better, but thats life isn't it.
Maybe he will realise I can be enough for him and he doesn't need a string of people to fuck because the play with them is good.
All I can do is try to accept him and keep talking to see if there's a way for us both to feel happy.
I did make his face light up last night though, a really pretty girl came to seek me out because she'd heard I was there, it happens sometimes because I'm reasonably well known on the scene. It was so cute how excited she was to meet me.
She dragged me over to sit with her group of people and when S came back from playing I asked him if we could take her home she was so cute. His face lit up when he saw my expression and would've readily taken her back with us, sadly it wasn't to be.
So a new year, we're still relatively new together and both looking forward to the future. Only time will tell.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."