Back To Reality

Life has settled down a little in the last week. I'm back at work and not much time for anything else really.
S and I have talked a lot though, he's still confused about what he wants I think,  but then so am I in relation to him. I suppose the acid test will be if he fucks another woman. I've told him if he has penetrative sex with anyone without a condom then regardless of testing he and I will be condoms only from then on.
He's told me he was upset that I removed the rope collar on new years eve and that him being told off by a friend about neglecting me to play with the other girl spoiled the evening for him quite a bit.
I've reassured him I didn't mind the rope play he did on her in the same room as me, after all I arranged that with a Dom I'm aquainted with. It was too good an opportunity to miss as the Dom is well known and excellent with rope bondage.
What I did mind was when he told me that after their play upstairs he'd offered to make her cum to finish off the session. Why??
Is it really necessary after a session using a violet wand and pinwheel, or even impact play, to give the sub/bottom an orgasm? He felt it was polite to offer and she declined.
I'm sorry to say my green eyed monster showed itself during that discussion, but it did mean we had a very open and frank discussion about how we both felt.
He's given me a copy of The Ethical Slut to read, he's hoping it will help me understand how he feels about seeking sexual pleasure with many people. So far I've not discovered anything new in it. In fact I was living that sort of life almost 30 years ago. Gosh that makes me feel old to say that.
He feels he can have meaningful sex with just about anyone, but that doesn't mean that he will and assures me he's not seeking anything else at the moment. In my experience such an approach is rather shallow and I did it as a way of not allowing anyone to get too close to me, which is exactly what I suspect he's doing even if not fully aware of it.
It's natural when we've been badly hurt in a relationship to protect ourselves and shy away from it happening again, but life is about risk and who knows that better than me.
When I look back at my life and consider the hurt I've experienced I wonder why I put myself through all this, but then I remember how wonderful it can be and I put my doubts aside.
S says he feels pangs of jealousy when I talk about my past, I suspect he means with Mark Sophia who committed suicide 2 years ago. That was such an intense and incredibly unique relationship, it's impossible to compare what I have now with that time. Yes it was ended too soon and in an incredibly abrupt manner, but what time we had together was amazing.
Anyone with children who uses them to hurt the other parent should be ashamed of themselves, yet it happens all the time and my beloved paid the ultimate price by not being able to cope.
S hasn't introduced me to his children yet and that's fine by me, I'm quite wary of getting involved with them as it still hurts not being allowed contact with Mark Sophia's children.
It's going to be an interesting year I feel. I've requests to play from several people, some I'll take up, but there won't be anything sexual involved and I'll be topping.
I'm free to do as I please at home now as my flatemate has moved out. I'm going to turn his bedroom into a playroom which should be fun.
At last I'm able to hang up my floggers, or at least I will be when his room has been cleaned and I've got rid of the nicotine smell from his smoking yuk. It's so bad I may have to paint the room to get rid of it totally.
So new adventures ahead and my budding relationship is still budding. It's going to take work and patience, but then anything worthwhile does.
Oh and as an aside.
I've not been able to cum since I came home, I get right to the brink and my mind shuts my body down. I've told him I may well explode before I see him again and if so it's been fabulous knowing him lol.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood