Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Run Subbie, Run

Yesterday we buried a friend. It was an emotional day to say the least, she was only forty and my last partners best friend, losing the two of them in fourteen months is a blow to say the least. Last night I felt emotionally and physically drained.

As always Dominus was there to listen to me, offer support and a virtual hug. He's going overseas soon for three weeks and when he gets home I'll be going to Scotland for a week just a few days later, so it's going to be quite a while before I get to see him (unless something unexpected happens). It certainly won't be easy without him.

Maybe I do take refuge in my submission at difficult times, I recognise this, but is it a fault? I'm not sure.
Sometimes I just need to be the one who is held and allowed to cry, instead of always being the one looking after everyone else.

My submission is not just about a safe haven though. To paraphrase my Dominus, there are no simple answers, because there are no simple questions. All I can say is I find being permitted to submit and place myself totally on trust into his hands is although challenging, very rewarding.

Dominus is the only one who has never told me at the beginning of a play session what he has planned. I have to trust that he will take care of me, that although he may push me, he will not break me. That he will take his pleasure and as a result I will be pleasured too.
That's not to say I expect to be pleasured and rewarded, but I know that if Dominus is happy, then so am I.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

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