Good News For Once

Well after worrying frantically for the last few days, Dominus has managed to contact me to let me know he's ok.
I was just about to close my laptop last night and try to sleep when his email pinged through. He also sent a response to my reply.

I just burst into tears.

I'm so relieved he's ok I can't tell you. There's been so much negative in my life that this is a tremendous boost.

Now all I need is for him to come home and fuck me senseless.

Perhaps if I can keep him busy fucking me he'll not want to go wandering off overseas again. Hmmm serious thought needed there lol.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Earthquake Day Two

Ok day 2 and still no word from Dominus.
I'm trying not to stress over it, but it's not easy. I've watched some of the news and it's not exactly inspiring.
If I knew where he was going, that might help, but then his plans could have changed anyway.
I'm hoping he'll find a way to get in touch, until then I'll keep checking the websites that people are posting information on and keep my fingers crossed.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

A Double Whammy

Ok I woke to hear the news of the earthquake in New Zealand. I've no idea where Dominus is at the moment, north or south island, and no way of findint out if he's ok, I'll just have to wait until he's able to contact me.

On top of that, I apparently have shingles. Oh joy.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Finger Bobs

I woke this morning from a dream where I was being held down and fucked anally by him. My fingers slipped down to my clit and I was soaking wet, thank goodness he gave me permission to masturbate before he went away.

Usually I find masturbation quite unfulfilling, but this morning I was definitely a girl in need and for once not disappointed.

I hope he's as horny and frustrated as I'm feeling, because if so I'm in for a good time when he gets home lol.

I'm still busy writing up our last meeting, well over 5000 words so far and still going, it's making me horny remembering everything we did.

Hopefully everyone will enjoy reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

It's the small things

One whole week has passed by of his three week absence. I've worked more hours in the last eight days than I've had to do in years. I'm too tired to feel horny and I doubt I could lift a flogger if my life depended on it tonight.

Despite this my sub is sulking because we've not played recently. His main fetish is being put into bondage or sleepsacks and left to stew, or teased and left sexually frustrated.
For some reason he can't seem to see past his own needs, no matter how I explain it to him.

It's different for my sub side, it's irrlevant how tired I am, if he wants to play, we do. For me to Top someone or indulge in a session with my sub, it has to be when I want to, not when they do.
I never play with a sub when not in the right frame of mind or really tired, and most definitely not when angry.

We've a week away together next month, I'm hoping this will help re-establish the bond we have. I've told my subby he's spending the week tied to a tree, wearing nothing but a hood and a strait jacket, then then midges can have their way.
Of course I'd never really do such a thing..........or would I?


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Intellect Wins Over A Big Cock Every Time

Although having both is definitely a bonus.

I realised something tonight, I'm really just marking time until he's home. I know I've worked a lot this last week or so, I've hardly had a minute to myself, yet every evening I sit here for a little while before bed and I miss him.

The time we spend just talking, about life, the universe and everything, it's special. But it's more than that, he's actually a really interesting person.

He's far more intelligent than I am, has far more knowledge of the world too, yet he manages to share all this with me without making me feel like an idiot, that's a good skill to have.

I've always had a preference for intelligent men, even as a teenager my boyfriends were mostly the nerdy variety, they're just far more interesting. I tended to get bored very quickly with the good looking ones, great eye candy and boyfriend trophy, but never met one that was a keeper.

Could I ever submit to a Dom who couldn't push me intellectually? I don't think so.
It's not that I need them to be superior to me, I've always felt both Dom and sub are equals, just opposite sides of the same coin.

So one week down, 2 to go and now it will begin to bite as I expect to have more time to myself.

Oh and I've not been tempted to masturbate once yet, hmmm and he's given me permission too, something definitely wrong there.

Perhaps I'll get the urge when I continue writing up our last meeting, so far I've written over 5000 words about the 2 days we spent together. I must be building up to writing my first book.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Red Roses For Red Faces

I could make a habit of this, hard to believe, but I've had a second good surprise. Well, I suppose that depends on your point of view, let me explain.

I'm sitting at my desk this morning and someone appeared at my side with a rather large arrangement of flowers that includes 6 beautiful, deep red roses.

To say I was stunned is a small understatement. The only other person to send flowers to my office was Mark Sophia shortly after we met and that was the most beautiful arrangement of a dozen red roses.
I couldn't help but feel like crying, I'd been feeling rather despondent today as it's valentines day.
Today is for being with those we love. It's not possible to be with Sophia again and Dominus is a long way away.

You can't understand why I'd not be overjoyed by someone sending me red roses? Well that's because they're from someone I want a platonic friendship with, but he wants more.

So here's my dilemma, continue the friendship with a man whose company I enjoy immensely, or end the friendship because it looks like he could get hurt rather badly.
I suspect there's no right answer, but I'm seeing him tomorrow for dinner and perhaps I can get him to see sense.

He wants to be my Dom, but there's no way, lovely person, but just not suited for me to be his sub, I'd walk all over him.

I'm sure some think it wonderful to have several people interested in them, I however do not. I've been here before quite a few times over the years, generally it just makes me feel pressured and uncomfortable.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Old Dogs, New Tricks

It occurred to me this morning that in all my years of writing and blogging I've only ever felt the need to write about the submissive side of me. Now why is that I wonder?

Certainly during my time with Sophia I didn't feel the need to share the details of our lives, our time together was precious......and private.

Now that's a surprising thing for me to say, after all Sophia was such a visible person on the scene and yet so much of our life together was not public knowledge, despite what many thought I'm sure.

Now she's no longer with us, I've spent a lot of time thinking this last 14 months of writing about her and I'm sure at some point I will, her story is important.

I have found it useful to write my blogs, both here and it's predecessor. It's not even that I expect anyone to read them, for me it's purely a way of thinking out loud and trying to put my thoughts in order.

It's more natural for me to be the one in control, it's how it's always been since I was a child. Yet I get so much from submitting to someone I can trust implicitly.
That's the key to everything in this lifestyle, trust.

As Dominus is away for 3 weeks I thought it might be interesting to write a little about my Domme side, the relationship I have with my current submissive and the many requests I get to play with others.

What prompted this? Well partly the conversation I had last night with a rubber dolly who's been on the scene for many years, yet in our play sessions he's learned a couple of new things, including the joys of anal orgasms.

Now that's a big thrill, giving someone a whole new experience, I love poking around inside a person's mind and taking them to new places with their submission.

Get someone to close their eyes, whisper into their ear all the things you could do to them, see what that does to a persons head.
Amazingly that also works with Dominus too.




"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

I Go, Ego

I had a really gooey moment this morning. I checked my email and Dominus had sent me an e-card for Valentines day.
For once this was a nice surprise, a rarity for me.

I'm not sure which was the most overwhelming emotion, surprise, pleasure, or something I've not yet been able to put my finger on.
I'd not expected to have such strong emotions for him, especially given the circumstances, but I do.

He'll be on a plane now taking him far away from me, and I know he's missing me, as much as I'm missing him.

I spent some time yesterday evening talking to another Dom I've known for a few months. He approached me originally to see if I'd be suitable as a sub for him. For whatever reason he stopped communicating, until yesterday, now he's interested again.

I've explained I'm no longer available, if he wants to play then he has to ask my Dominus.
I have to confess I laughed when he got all huffy. A Dom ask? I was informed he wasn't that desperate and I was to talk to my Dom on his behalf. He was not prepared to present his CV for scrutiny.

Apparently as my Dominus is going away for 3 weeks without making arrangements for me to be looked after by another Dom, he's neglecting my needs.
It's not like I'm a dog that needs to be fed and walked. I'm quite capable of looking after myself, but apparently as I'm being left to my own devices, he's not using me properly.

Being a generous man, he's actually offered his services, and will happily look after me until my own Dom returns.
Obviously I thanked him kindly for his generosity and reassured him that somehow, I'd manage.

Ahh such fragile egos some Doms, something I've never really understood.
Anyway Dominus is not prepared to share me, at least not this time.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Three weeks loom large

Tomorrow my Dominus goes overseas for 3 weeks. I think this will be our biggest trial yet.

Although we only get to meet every few weeks and spend quality time in the flesh, I treasure the time we spend keeping the connection going when we can't be together. For the next 3 weeks he's not even sure if or when he'll be able to get online to email.

I understand, of course I do. I'm an adult and accept these things happen, he's not at my beck and call 24/7; but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

So during his time away I need to hold on to my submission, focus on what I have, not what I don't. I've some work to do with my subby after his behaviour of the last few weeks, perhaps some insecurities now I have a Dom of my own.

Dominus will miss me, I know he will, but I also know he'll make the most of his enforced trip and return to me hungry.

I'm currently working on writing up my last visit to him, 4000 words so far and still going. When it's finally finished I'll post it here of course, a fitting follow on to Round and round the Mulberry Tree.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Run Subbie, Run

Yesterday we buried a friend. It was an emotional day to say the least, she was only forty and my last partners best friend, losing the two of them in fourteen months is a blow to say the least. Last night I felt emotionally and physically drained.

As always Dominus was there to listen to me, offer support and a virtual hug. He's going overseas soon for three weeks and when he gets home I'll be going to Scotland for a week just a few days later, so it's going to be quite a while before I get to see him (unless something unexpected happens). It certainly won't be easy without him.

Maybe I do take refuge in my submission at difficult times, I recognise this, but is it a fault? I'm not sure.
Sometimes I just need to be the one who is held and allowed to cry, instead of always being the one looking after everyone else.

My submission is not just about a safe haven though. To paraphrase my Dominus, there are no simple answers, because there are no simple questions. All I can say is I find being permitted to submit and place myself totally on trust into his hands is although challenging, very rewarding.

Dominus is the only one who has never told me at the beginning of a play session what he has planned. I have to trust that he will take care of me, that although he may push me, he will not break me. That he will take his pleasure and as a result I will be pleasured too.
That's not to say I expect to be pleasured and rewarded, but I know that if Dominus is happy, then so am I.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Mmmmm Pesto

Well I received my punishment, as I won't be able to see Dominus for a few weeks it had to be something he could administer remotely. How did he do this you ask? By sending me shopping, punishment indeed.

My task was to buy a pestle and mortar, along with the ingredients to make pesto. So I spent time bashing garlic with salt and basil, toasting pine nuts and then bashing it all together before mixing with freshly grated parmesan and extra virgin olive oil.

The point of this punishment was not to punish me as such, I did enough of that myself, but to allow Dominus to teach me something new in the guise of a tasked punishment. Although I suspect there may be a physical punishment when next we meet, I don't know.

Anyway I now have a new kitchen tool and a jar of very tasty, freshly made basil and parmesan pesto in my fridge. I tried some earlier with pasta and salad and have to say I really enjoyed it.

Back to the original problem though, I'm still very horny. Somehow I have to find a way of dealing with this until I get permission, I don't think cooking will fill the gap.

As for my sub, for a 56 year old man who should know better, he's been really pushing his luck lately. Today I removed his permission to use a particular chatroom, I'm tired of having to apologise for him spouting his opinion and him not being prepared to listen to anyone else.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Forgive me Dominus

I barely slept last night. I zonked while talking online to my Dominus, woke up about an hour later in bed next to my laptop. The rest of the night I was incredibly restless.

It's less than 2 weeks since I spent 2 days with Dominus and I was so horny I could barely even think straight all morning.

Eventually I gave in and plugged in my magic wand vibrator and made myself cum.

I'm dreading telling him, I'm not allowed to masturbate without his permission. I've no doubt there'll be a price to pay, a punishment, but worst of all, I broke the rules and gave in to my own needs. I'm very disappointed in myself.

Things aren't much better tonight, seems the orgasm I had this afternoon hasn't even taken the edge off how horny I feel.

I'm sure many people would think me foolish for allowing someone to deny me pleasure, and for owning up for breaking the rules, but when you sign up for a D/s relationship you accept there will be aspects you don't like.

I could lie by omission of course, but then I'd feel terribly guilty and if he later found out it would damage or even destroy the trust between us. It's not worth that.

Dominus denies me self pleasure, unless I have his permission, but that denial also enhances my pleasure when we're together and hence his own.

So we shall see what my confession brings.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."DanesWood

Pestle and Mortar

I've always been greedy when it comes to sex, yet oddly enough I've never had a regular sex life. Also the more I get, the more I want.
There's never been anyone that night after night reached for me, my only really long term relationship became sexless after the first year. The sexual side of my D/s relationship with Sophia was rather less than conventional, but very satisfying in it's own way.

Now I have a man with whom still waters most definiely run deep. On the surface he's a very quiet and unassuming man, he's intelligent, compassionate and despite being very geeky is great company. You'd never guess that beneath that very ordinary exterior beats the heart of a man who can take life (and me) by the scruff of the neck and shake it till he gets what he wants.

Perhaps his passion for cooking is a clue to how sexual this man is. My Dominus can make just about anything from scratch and has more kitchen equipment than the Ideal Home exhibition.
Anyone who takes the time to grind and mix his own spices for curry just has to be a fabulous lover.
Just think Jamie Oliver level of passion, convert the way Jamie treats ingredients into a recipe for sex and you'll see how it can all add up to a great time.

I am glad that like me, Dominus does not believe D/s is purely bedroom activity, it's a little more challenging for him to get me to comply though.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

I'm along for the ride

I've decided that I need to take up writing my diary again.

Life has changed so much over the last couple of years. I met someone who I loved with all my heart and I lived a 24/7 D/s life for over a year. Nobody could ask for a better partner and submissive than Sophia, but tragically her life ended all too soon and now over a year later I'm looking forward and starting over.

Mostly I use this diary to record my thoughts and real experiences. Sometimes I may include some of my fictional writing on the blog, but as I publish that elsewhere it won't be often.

Having both a Dom and a sub life is busy to say the least. I'm active on the BDSM scene and for me this is not a fantasy, something just for the bedroom, or to masturbate over. For me D/s is 24/7 and about far more than sex, even though it can be amazing sex.

It's not always easy, you don't always get what you want, but this is a very fulfilling lifestyle choice and many people could benefit from it.

Life is a bumpy ride, but I don't like the alternative. With the smooth comes the rough, sometimes both together, and when my time comes I can at least say I've lived.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."DanesWood

Round And Round The Mulberry Tree- Part 3 Pure Decadence

At his instruction she slipped gratefully beneath the sumptuous feather and down filled quilt. Sensitised flesh pressed against the soft Egyptian cotton sheets. She pulled the quilt around her, revelling in its softness and warmth. The bed was high and wide. The mattress firm enough to provide support, yet soft enough to offer a luxurious level of comfort.

Nestling back against the pillow she felt almost as though cocooned. The bed a safe haven, somewhere for he and she to close out the world and revel in the joy they could create together.

Eyes closed she felt the mattress dip with his weight as he joined her under the quilt.

“Come here” the warm tenor of his voice instructed. His arms were open and welcoming as she moved into them. The soft hair covering his arms and chest brushed against her sensitive nipples as he caressed her body.
He pulled her tight against him, breathing in the scent of her hair, pressing his face into her neck, their legs entwined in an effort to be as physically close as possible. Two bodies, but one soul.

A long slow breath left her lips, brushed softly against hairs on his chest so they tickled her nose as they moved. She looked up, his hand cupped the back of her head and he bent to kiss her forehead then looked down into her eyes.

Such a sensual, intimate moment, she felt the pull of him, like the life giving gaze of the sun to a flower.

His hand pulled back and again slapped her cheek. “Keep looking at me” he instructed.

Fighting the urge to scrunch up her eyes and flinch in anticipation of what she now knew was coming she maintained her gaze. Once more his hand landed in a stinging blow to her left cheek then his mouth swooped to hers, tongue demanding access to hers in a kiss that left her in no doubt he was as aroused and passionate as she.

With both hands held on the pillow above her head his hand slipped between her thighs. His fingers brushed lightly against her labia, her soft belly, her inner thighs. She wanted to feel him touch her, yet knew he would take his own sweet time to do so. He intended seeing desperation in her eyes, have her begging for release, this could take some time.

Skilfully avoiding her swollen clit he slid 2 fingers inside her sopping wet pussy. The effort of keeping her legs open and not clamping them around his wrist to grind against him made her sweat. She was so aroused she bit her lip to prevent herself screaming for him to fuck her. To do so would almost certainly amuse him and encourage him to torment her further.

She was so wet her juices oozed from her pussy and trickled down between the cheeks of her arse. His fingers squelched noisily as they moved in and out of her. There was an increase in pressure as he added another finger, followed soon after by a fourth. Never had she been so full, taken so much and she was so relaxed she was sure he would be able to slip his whole hand in and fist her.

“Turn over, let me get at your back.” His voice softly commanded, dragging her mind back from the depths just enough to enable her to twist over onto her stomach.

His hand cupped the back of her neck pressing her gently down into the pillow. “Spread your legs,” he demanded. Eagerly she opened them wide to allow him the access he desired.

Once more his fingers plunged into her wetness, juices flowed freely from her pussy now threatening to soak the pristine white sheets. He slid his fingers out of her tight pussy, up between the cheeks of her bottom and lingered, stroking, teasing, he knew she anticipated his invasion of her anus, but it would be when he chose, not she.

Ensuring his well lubricated fingers did not hurt her, he slid gently inside with first one and then a second finger. She moaned with pleasure and lifted her hips to encourage his exploration.

In and out he thrust with two fingers of his right hand and the nails of his left raked her back. There was a pause as he scooped more of her juices and then pressure as he pushed not two, but three fingers into her anus. She grunted and raised her hips higher. She loved the fullness, how he stretched her.

All three fingers sank into her to the hilt. Arse high in the air and thrusting back hard against his hand she moaned and grunted with animalistic delight. God how she loved this feeling.

Fucking her hard he growled into her ear, “you dirty fucking bitch, you love this don’t you. You love having your arse fucked.”


He was right, she did.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing." DanesWood