Chocolate v Vanilla

I'm in a rather weird mood at the moment.

It may be an old cliche, but that doesn't mean it's any less true. I feel lonely.

I know lots of people and when I do go anywhere I'm quite often the one laughing loudest and cracking jokes, flirting like there's no tomorrow and knowing that flirting is all it is.

I miss belonging to someone, but not just anyone will do.

I've been told to relax, go with the flow. That my ideas on D/s are too rigid and I should just have kinky fun and see what it leads to. I can't do that, it's just not me. I've played with Doms never intending for it to be more than the 1 session, or maybe an occasional thing, but that isn't satisfying at all. I'm just not a bottom, that side of me is submissive.

On a different note, travelling back from a few days away with my ex sub and his wife, I stopped off to meet a guy who works for the same company. Just for a drink as I was passing through his area.

We talked and laughed and several times he told me he was looking for a girlfriend. I was careful not to give him any encouragement as he just wasn't my type. I could tell :-)

Eventually we got around to discussing D/s, he'd poked and prodded me enough that I decided to tell him about my lifestyle, or at least a very diluted and brief taste of it.

"Imagine" I said, "that you have a woman restrained on the bed so that you can give her pleasure any way you choose, for as long as you choose. She can't stop you and she can't move away." The look of absolute horror on his face, followed swiftly by one of bewilderment and I realised he probably wouldn't know what to do to a woman in that position.

"ohh no" he replied. "I'm strictly a missionary position man me."

If nothing else at least it confirms for me I could never go back to nilla.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood