What Do I Get Out Of It?
Yet another post I thought I'd add here.
Posted by DanesWood on Sun 18 Jan 09, 11:37 AM.
I sat chatting to someone at a party last night, he asked me what I get from Dominating someone. At the time I was distracted and didn't answer, but thought about it on the way home and decided I'd set it out on here.
I'm a switch, although I don't see my submissive side coming out any time in the foreseeable future. It has always been a challenge to submit to anyone and so few have been able to put me in that headspace, but never say never.
There was a post on IC that stated switches are generally more interested in the pleasure of the submissive, for me that's certainly true, of course that varies from person to person, and a reward to one is a punishment to another, so it's important to me that I understand the person I'm Dominating.
Perhaps that's a part of the training instilled in me by my first Master, it was he who recognised that I have a strong dominant streak too, well it did take him a year to talk me into submitting to him lol. But he taught me that the mind can confuse pain and pleasure, and one can enhance the other leading to some very intense sensations.
He talked to me a lot about safety, how never to be too proud to ask someone to help you learn a new skill, that it is not un-Domly to admit you cannot do everything. I did not have a safe word when I belonged to him, but even years later and with much more experience, I know I did not need one. He took time to learn to read my body language, many times he took me to the edge, but never did he cross the threshold, a skill indeed.
Although I was trained without the use of a safe word I sometimes give one if I play with someone I don't know. That we're both agreed on what it means, and there is enough trust between us that it will be respected. That being said I've never had anyone code out on me, nor do I ever want them to as that to me represents a failure on my part. The majority of the time I'll rely on body language, always start gently and build up.
My aim in a session is take the sub to the very edge of their limits, so close they can peek over that cliff for the briefest of nanoseconds before finding themselves dragged back to soft, sensual and comforting play. Then I start over, pushing them on to new highs, stretching their limits. For me to find that point is a huge buzz, but not a place reached unless you know each other well.
With Sammie my female subbie I'm very much a parental figure, she has rules set to help her in every day life, guidelines to improve herself and help her through her university course. None of the rules are arbitrary, each is there for a reason, fully discussed and agreed to, sometimes even requested by her if it's something she knows she needs discipline for.
You might think that's a very one sided relationship, especially as she's a complete orgasm whore lol, but not so. Yes there are benefits for me so to speak, she adores very restrictive bondage, has quite a high pain threshold and so I get to indulge in nipple torture, spanking and flogging all things she enjoys greatly and help build towards her entering orgasmic nirvana. Who wouldn't get a buzz from giving a girl dozens of orgasms in a session?
Mark is different, we have a full relationship, very much in love with each other and I've taken great delight in introducing him to the BDSM way of life.
Before meeting me Mark was a heavy rubber fetishist, into breath play and restrictive bondage, he had no idea he could get so much pleasure from pain, now he's an excited puppy dog at the thought of a spanking.
I rarely play casually, mostly because I prefer to know where a persons basic limits and thresholds are. It takes time to learn to read someone's body language and it's unlikely to happen in a one off session. That's not to say I don't enjoy the play, because I do, but why have the peel when I can have the whole banana?
So in short what I get from Dominating someone entirely depends on the person I'm playing with and the scenario. The biggest buzz comes from pushing someone's limits, taking them to the edge and beyond and even better, finding a button to press someone didn't even know they had.
"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood
I sat chatting to someone at a party last night, he asked me what I get from Dominating someone. At the time I was distracted and didn't answer, but thought about it on the way home and decided I'd set it out on here.
I'm a switch, although I don't see my submissive side coming out any time in the foreseeable future. It has always been a challenge to submit to anyone and so few have been able to put me in that headspace, but never say never.
There was a post on IC that stated switches are generally more interested in the pleasure of the submissive, for me that's certainly true, of course that varies from person to person, and a reward to one is a punishment to another, so it's important to me that I understand the person I'm Dominating.
Perhaps that's a part of the training instilled in me by my first Master, it was he who recognised that I have a strong dominant streak too, well it did take him a year to talk me into submitting to him lol. But he taught me that the mind can confuse pain and pleasure, and one can enhance the other leading to some very intense sensations.
He talked to me a lot about safety, how never to be too proud to ask someone to help you learn a new skill, that it is not un-Domly to admit you cannot do everything. I did not have a safe word when I belonged to him, but even years later and with much more experience, I know I did not need one. He took time to learn to read my body language, many times he took me to the edge, but never did he cross the threshold, a skill indeed.
Although I was trained without the use of a safe word I sometimes give one if I play with someone I don't know. That we're both agreed on what it means, and there is enough trust between us that it will be respected. That being said I've never had anyone code out on me, nor do I ever want them to as that to me represents a failure on my part. The majority of the time I'll rely on body language, always start gently and build up.
My aim in a session is take the sub to the very edge of their limits, so close they can peek over that cliff for the briefest of nanoseconds before finding themselves dragged back to soft, sensual and comforting play. Then I start over, pushing them on to new highs, stretching their limits. For me to find that point is a huge buzz, but not a place reached unless you know each other well.
With Sammie my female subbie I'm very much a parental figure, she has rules set to help her in every day life, guidelines to improve herself and help her through her university course. None of the rules are arbitrary, each is there for a reason, fully discussed and agreed to, sometimes even requested by her if it's something she knows she needs discipline for.
You might think that's a very one sided relationship, especially as she's a complete orgasm whore lol, but not so. Yes there are benefits for me so to speak, she adores very restrictive bondage, has quite a high pain threshold and so I get to indulge in nipple torture, spanking and flogging all things she enjoys greatly and help build towards her entering orgasmic nirvana. Who wouldn't get a buzz from giving a girl dozens of orgasms in a session?
Mark is different, we have a full relationship, very much in love with each other and I've taken great delight in introducing him to the BDSM way of life.
Before meeting me Mark was a heavy rubber fetishist, into breath play and restrictive bondage, he had no idea he could get so much pleasure from pain, now he's an excited puppy dog at the thought of a spanking.
I rarely play casually, mostly because I prefer to know where a persons basic limits and thresholds are. It takes time to learn to read someone's body language and it's unlikely to happen in a one off session. That's not to say I don't enjoy the play, because I do, but why have the peel when I can have the whole banana?
So in short what I get from Dominating someone entirely depends on the person I'm playing with and the scenario. The biggest buzz comes from pushing someone's limits, taking them to the edge and beyond and even better, finding a button to press someone didn't even know they had.
"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood
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