Collars

I had another fabulous few days with S, our relationship is developing really well. We communicate fabulously and that's something I've always found difficult, to talk about how I feel.
The play is fantastic, the sex mind blowing. We get along really well in a vanilla context too, we've a good circle of friends and I feel like we've been together for years sometimes it feels so comfortable now.
He's an intelligent, caring man and wants nothing but the best for me and for us. I'm sure there'll be trials ahead, but I'm hoping that we can work through them, I know we'll both try our best to.
Yesterday I was totally shocked, he wants to choose a collar for me. I asked him if he meant a play collar, he replied "no, a collar collar for you to wear."
Apparently me saying I hate taking off my slave bracelets when I leave him has prompted this, so he wants me to have a symbol of belonging to him. He says as we've both every intention of continuing our relationship and for both of us a collar is a very powerful symbol of commitment to each other then it's right.
I'm in no rush for it to happen, the knowledge he wants to collar me is amazing, but neither of us is going anywhere, so we can take our time. Sharing his feelings with me draws me even closer to him, because I know he feels similar to me in what a collar means, it's neither given nor taken lightly.
Today I'm going back to spend a week with him, lots of play time, down time and us time. I'm really looking forward to it.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Fairy Luscious

Last night was just gorgeous, S came to meet St and I at the fetish market after party. I spent the afternoon wandering amongst the crowd talking to people I know, meeting a few I knew from online but had not met before too.
It was the annual fashion show yesterday, so a lot of people had made a fantastic effort to look absolutely stunning.
I had a couple of hours after the end of the market before S arrived and was very happy that St arrived at the party early.
I'd discussed Topping him a few days before as he's quite a masochist and I thought he'd be someone to help get my confidence back to play, I was right.
I did some nipple play on him while we just sat and chatted, a friend of his joined in but she's a sub with a sadistic streak and just seems to enjoy inflicting lots of pain and not caring about the results, I just don't understand that. She used a pinwheel on his nipple so hard she made him bleed and then tried to say she'd not done it.
Thankfully I'd done almost as much nipple play as I'd wanted to anyway, so after a cuddle and a chat I asked him to lay across some stools. I couldn't go and use the superb equipment there as S had now arrived and asked me to look after his coat and wallet for a while.
I used some nice gentle floggers to get S warmed up and his bottom was nicely red I moved onto my canes. I've not caned anyone properly in well over a year and even that was only briefly not a full play session.
He was totally away with the fairies by the time I got my heavy tawse out, I gave him 6 nicely spaced out strokes from it and then stopped.
Some gorgeous cane weals but no broken skin and I'd totally loved it.
S arrived back at the table as I was sitting cuddling St.
A full on kiss from him almost blew my mind as I was in a lovely headspace from the play. I excused myself and went to the toilet, even I was amazed at how soaking I was down there, it was like someone had emptied a bottle of lube over me lol.
Of course I had to tell S when I got back to the table, so he thought it amusing to tease me about whether I'd end up in his bed being ravished or not. I didn't think there'd be much chance of me not being and I was right lol.
Once back at his place we stripped and were in bed very quickly, he held my hair and kissed me. He told me how much he'd enjoyed me playing with St and how proud he was of me that I've found that headspace again. He also told me he loved the fact it had turned me on so much and as a reward I'd get to cum.
I was kissed, stroked, pinched, bitten, fingered and fucked. I came quite easily once, but despite S continuing to play with me and keeping me on the edge for what felt like forever, I didn't cum again. I was definitely off in lala land though and there's a few minutes I've no clue about.
I do remember in a very slurry voice telling him I loved him and his reply of "awwww, I love you too."
So a few hours afterwards of sleeping snuggled up together before he went to work and now I'm waiting till he gets home so he can ravish me again.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Back To Reality

Life has settled down a little in the last week. I'm back at work and not much time for anything else really.
S and I have talked a lot though, he's still confused about what he wants I think,  but then so am I in relation to him. I suppose the acid test will be if he fucks another woman. I've told him if he has penetrative sex with anyone without a condom then regardless of testing he and I will be condoms only from then on.
He's told me he was upset that I removed the rope collar on new years eve and that him being told off by a friend about neglecting me to play with the other girl spoiled the evening for him quite a bit.
I've reassured him I didn't mind the rope play he did on her in the same room as me, after all I arranged that with a Dom I'm aquainted with. It was too good an opportunity to miss as the Dom is well known and excellent with rope bondage.
What I did mind was when he told me that after their play upstairs he'd offered to make her cum to finish off the session. Why??
Is it really necessary after a session using a violet wand and pinwheel, or even impact play, to give the sub/bottom an orgasm? He felt it was polite to offer and she declined.
I'm sorry to say my green eyed monster showed itself during that discussion, but it did mean we had a very open and frank discussion about how we both felt.
He's given me a copy of The Ethical Slut to read, he's hoping it will help me understand how he feels about seeking sexual pleasure with many people. So far I've not discovered anything new in it. In fact I was living that sort of life almost 30 years ago. Gosh that makes me feel old to say that.
He feels he can have meaningful sex with just about anyone, but that doesn't mean that he will and assures me he's not seeking anything else at the moment. In my experience such an approach is rather shallow and I did it as a way of not allowing anyone to get too close to me, which is exactly what I suspect he's doing even if not fully aware of it.
It's natural when we've been badly hurt in a relationship to protect ourselves and shy away from it happening again, but life is about risk and who knows that better than me.
When I look back at my life and consider the hurt I've experienced I wonder why I put myself through all this, but then I remember how wonderful it can be and I put my doubts aside.
S says he feels pangs of jealousy when I talk about my past, I suspect he means with Mark Sophia who committed suicide 2 years ago. That was such an intense and incredibly unique relationship, it's impossible to compare what I have now with that time. Yes it was ended too soon and in an incredibly abrupt manner, but what time we had together was amazing.
Anyone with children who uses them to hurt the other parent should be ashamed of themselves, yet it happens all the time and my beloved paid the ultimate price by not being able to cope.
S hasn't introduced me to his children yet and that's fine by me, I'm quite wary of getting involved with them as it still hurts not being allowed contact with Mark Sophia's children.
It's going to be an interesting year I feel. I've requests to play from several people, some I'll take up, but there won't be anything sexual involved and I'll be topping.
I'm free to do as I please at home now as my flatemate has moved out. I'm going to turn his bedroom into a playroom which should be fun.
At last I'm able to hang up my floggers, or at least I will be when his room has been cleaned and I've got rid of the nicotine smell from his smoking yuk. It's so bad I may have to paint the room to get rid of it totally.
So new adventures ahead and my budding relationship is still budding. It's going to take work and patience, but then anything worthwhile does.
Oh and as an aside.
I've not been able to cum since I came home, I get right to the brink and my mind shuts my body down. I've told him I may well explode before I see him again and if so it's been fabulous knowing him lol.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Happy New Year

Something I always knew would be a problem for me occurred on Thursday evening, he played with a couple we're friendly with.
I've no problem at all accepting non sexual play, but he ended up in bed with the woman and although they didn't have penetrative sex he did masturbate her and she sucked his cock.
He made a choice not to fuck her and save himself for me as I was arriving on Friday afternoon. Was it only timing that helped me to dodge that bullet? I'm not sure. I can't get a straight answer out of S, he just keeps telling me how special I am to him, that I matter very much to him.
I know he has feelings for me, I know he's scared of getting too close in case I leave him too.
Last night we went to a BDSM party and had great fun. As always when we go somewhere together he put a red rope collar around my neck, to him it symbolises that I'm his and to others too it's a hands off message. By the end of the night I removed it myself, no something I've done before and I don't really know why I did, except he'd spent about 3 hours playing with another female sub he's friends with. She was there alone and he wanted her to enjoy the evening too, which was fine, but 3 hours off playing and talking to her was a little more than I'd bargained for.
I've told him I don't want or expect him to change, that wouldn't be fair as I knew what he was like when we got together. I either have to find a way to deal with this, or let go. I've reassured him I don't mind non sexual play, but for him anyone he plays with regulary always builds into a sexual relationship too.
I'm not comfortable subbing in public for play, so he offered to bottom to me and the couple we went with, so between us we spanked, caned, pinwheeled and violet wanted him till he was nice and spacey.
I never thought I could accept a Dom who enjoyed the other side, but it is very much bottoming for his pleasure, not submission, so doesn't feel the same at all.
Silly me had thought as it was a special night he might say something more to me, or ask me to acknowledge publically we're more than we do already, but no, he just kissed me and wished me happy new year.
During our discussion on Friday I asked him how he'd feel if I said we should just be friends. Very sad, was his reply. He looked it too, eyes welled up.
We work beautifully together, I just wish I knew what lay ahead of me so I could prepare for it better, but thats life isn't it.
Maybe he will realise I can be enough for him and he doesn't need a string of people to fuck because the play with them is good.
All I can do is try to accept him and keep talking to see if there's a way for us both to feel happy.
I did make his face light up last night though, a really pretty girl came to seek me out because she'd heard I was there, it happens sometimes because I'm reasonably well known on the scene. It was so cute how excited she was to meet me.
She dragged me over to sit with her group of people and when S came back from playing I asked him if we could take her home she was so cute. His face lit up when he saw my expression and would've readily taken her back with us, sadly it wasn't to be.
So a new year, we're still relatively new together and both looking forward to the future. Only time will tell.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Trust, Honour, Respect

That's what any relationship requires. Without any one of those things a relationship is doomed to failure.
I think I've finally managed to make him see that I'm in for the long haul, as long as it's what he wants.
Over the last few years his ability to trust anyone and allow them in has been seriously challenged, to the point that now everyone is held at a distance and he cynically expects them to just pass through to something better. He hates feeling like that, it's a very lonely way to live life too, I've been there.
I did make a misjudgement about his relationship with St, we've talked some more about it and I've told him that unless he specifically instructs me I'll not do anything sexual with St again.
My focus is S and I won't do anything to jeopardise that, now I understand what's going on between them better I realise it's better to keep that distance between St and I.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Merry Christmas

Sitting here having just eaten breakfast, turkey is in the oven and I've a couple of hours before I need to do anything else.
I feel totally wiped out physically and emotionally. I think dropping like a stone is a good way to describe it.
Yesterday was our last together for almost a week, not long at all, but today it feels a long way off.
Our last few hours were spent in bed, S playing my body like a musical instrument. I came so long and hard when he eventually allowed me.
He prepared me by shaving me completely bare and several enemas so I was nice and clean. Such intimacy we shared in such simple acts.
I'm an anal slut that's for sure and found it an incredible turn on, although there were lots of giggles and kisses too. There's a time for serious and a time for fun, where possible I enjoy mixing the two together. This was definitely one of those times.
Talking to a friend of S today he says he's never seen S so happy, I'm pleased about that. He's a lovely man and had a tough time over the years, it makes me happy to give him something good, it's a bonus that it also gives me something good in return.
Why then do I feel unsettled? I feel the need to submit completely to him and feel that he takes and holds that submission, yet he tells me to submit as much as I wish but I'm still my own person and he does not own me.
It makes me feel insecure which is silly, I know it's only in my own head, my paranoia that I feel so disposable. I've tried to explain a little how I feel about it, but so much of it is difficult to verbalise.
He tells me I'm a gorgeous subbie, that I react beautifully to him. That he loves how I am with him and that I'm a joy to be around. He says I need to go with the flow and see what happens. I'm trying, I really am, especially as we've only been together a few weeks, but it's really difficult to let go as much as I need to and perhaps unfair of me to try and give more than he wants, if that's what I'm doing.
See what happens at new year, either way I know I'm in for a fun time.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

I'm Rita

I've had an amazing few days.
I think I've had more orgasms this last 4 days than I've had in years.
I've got a gorgeous naked man in bed next to me and it's going to be hard to go home tomorrow and leave him. I will be back for New Years eve, so not too bad.
S told me to go with the flow and I have pretty much. His male lover spent last evening and night with us and even a couple of hours this afternoon.
Yesterday S and I both played with St, torturing his nipples and other parts of his body until eventually S told him he'd earned a reward and could ask for anything he wanted.
St was pretty much blissed out on endorphins, but asked S to fuck him.
It was beautiful to watch them together and I reached my hand underneath S and stroked St's cock while he was being fucked.
It wasn't long before he came all over my hand and that was shortly followed by S cumming too.
Today I was the filling in a S and St sandwich for cuddling and they both kissed, cuddled and pinwheeled me for ages. I was wriggling and squirming with wrists restrained to the bed.
Lots of giggling, touching and kissing too before St finger fucked me to a screaming orgasm. It's a wonder the neighbours haven't called the police I've screamed so loud, I just can't help it.
Most probably think what I'm doing is madness, but we're all enjoying it and there is potential for this to turn into something reasonably long term I think.
Both of them are lovely men who obviously care deeply for each other, my biggest concern was upsetting their dynamic, but I think considering how it might have been, we're doing very nicely.
Today I had a fit of giggles and told them I felt like I was in the film Rita, Sue and Bob Too.
I told them I'm Rita, so which of them is Sue and who is Bob? lol We're Having A Gang Bang
If it lasts weeks, months or longer I'll not regret anything. I've had so much of the negative side of life this last few years I'm making the most of the current time.
I'm also getting to fulfill a few fantasies and there's still a few to go.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing." DanesWood