Monday, 21 November 2011

Subs, Slaves And?

"Oh no, I'd not do that all the time, that's for slaves and I'm a sub. I might do it as part of a session."
Part of an interesting conversation with a male sub. It fascinates me the difference in the mindset of a male sub to that of a female sub.
He told me all he wanted was to please the woman he served. When questioned about that and prodded a little with examples of what I'd expect that was the response I got.
Generally female submissives expect to offer all the extras, making their Dominant one a cup of coffee perhaps, cooking for them and taking care of their needs as part of their servitude and it just seems to be a natural part of the D/s.
Not so with an awful lot of male subs, although I'm sure some females fall nto this catagory too.
I refer to these as "do me" subs, for them it's all about what they want, the kind of play they want, catering for all their needs as a submissive.
To me that's a very one sided take take take attitude, for me D/s is about giving, no matter if you're the submissive or the Dominant.
I'm not going to explain to a sub I barely know all the things I could or would do to them, provide them with wank fodder. There are lots of websites they can go to for that, or a pro Domme.
For me this type of sub is not a submissive at all, just a kinkster out to satisfy their own kinks. I'm not sure if they don't realise that, or actually believe that's what submission is.
I suspect some need a lesson.
I always make it very clear to anyone I agree to play with that it's what I want, when I want it. I respect limits, but I am not going to give them an A La Carte menu to choose from. They ask to submit to me for a session, sometimes I'll agree and accept that submission. But it's on my terms.
I know there's the age old discussion of what defines a submissive and at what point they're a slave, but now there's that third option it seems. Perhaps someone can come up with a name for it.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

1 comment:

Pygar said...

A very interesting post.

I've been having a discussion with an online friend recently about slavery and submission - or perhaps more about ownership and self. It is fascinating though that you find that many male subs see it all in very functional terms - and selfishly in terms of themselves where surely it should be the opposite?

Thanks for this

P xx