Ahhh The Domly Ego

I played on Thursday, still have the bruises from it too.
I don't often play casually, but quite frankly I was frustrated, horny and needed to feel my sub side.
I arranged to play with someone I've known online for almost 2 years and through conversation decided he would be a safe and sane Top, although not suitable as my Dom.
Being inspected like a piece of meat, having him insert fingers to check if I'm wet from anticipation, not my thing at all, but as I'd agreed to submit to his wishes for the day, I complied.
I was caned for being late picking him up from the station, flogged some and then he began working on making my pussy as wet as possible, flooding he said.
The aim was to try and fist me, as I'm rather tight it was something I advised him would be unlikely.
I was correct.
Today is Monday and I'm still as sore as hell from his attempts to stretch me.
I'm very good at giving feedback whilst playing. I'll ouch and wriggle a bit if it hurts, but will always put myself back into position ready for more.
If I say it f'ing hurts and not in a good way, I expect that to be heard, not told it'll get better and start to feel good soon.
No it didn't.
I'm experienced enough to know the difference between good and bad pain.
His ego I think, he's trained quite a few subs/slaves over the years apparently and seems to have a set pattern of how he achieves his aims, which is fine, but you need to be flexible and I don't believe he was prepared to change his plans to fit me.
Teach me to play casually. I suspect it'll be a long time before I agree to that with someone I've not played with before.
I so need a Dom of my own to train.
Someone to grow with.
To learn about each other and how to please the other.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Plastic People

Why is that some people get off on lies and pretence?
I've yet to work out the reasoning behind that.
Inexplicably there are those who go out of their way to create and build a connection with you.
Will appear to be everything you were looking for and then either just disappear or come up with excuses why you can't meet.
Perhaps it's the thrill of the chase, the excitement that newness brings.
Why bother building something real and worthwhile when all you need do is sucker another person into believing you are what you say.
I've used the internet for over a decade as a way to meet people, sometimes just as a friend, sometimes more.
There are definitely fake vanilla people too, yet I'm convinced there is a greater proportion on BDSM websites.
Maybe it's because we generally have to be fairly secretive about our chosen way of life from the world at large.
Perhaps that's what draws these fantasists as they know there's little we can or will do to retaliate.
I'm also aware it's a phenomena not confined to any particular persuasion, sub or Dom/me, male or female.
Yesterday I was let down by someone, not the first time it's happened and I'm sure it won't be the last.
I'm lucky, I know there are a few genuine people out there as I've met some of them, but I am losing heart.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing." DanesWood

Subs, Slaves And?

"Oh no, I'd not do that all the time, that's for slaves and I'm a sub. I might do it as part of a session."

Part of an interesting conversation with a male sub. It fascinates me the difference in the mindset of a male sub to that of a female sub.

He told me all he wanted was to please the woman he served. When questioned about that and prodded a little with examples of what I'd expect that was the response I got.

Generally female submissives expect to offer all the extras, making their Dominant one a cup of coffee perhaps, cooking for them and taking care of their needs as part of their servitude and it just seems to be a natural part of the D/s.

Not so with an awful lot of male subs, although I'm sure some females fall nto this catagory too.

I refer to these as "do me" subs, for them it's all about what they want, the kind of play they want, catering for all their needs as a submissive.

To me that's a very one sided take take take attitude, for me D/s is about giving, no matter if you're the submissive or the Dominant.

I'm not going to explain to a sub I barely know all the things I could or would do to them, provide them with wank fodder. There are lots of websites they can go to for that, or a pro Domme.

For me this type of sub is not a submissive at all, just a kinkster out to satisfy their own kinks. I'm not sure if they don't realise that, or actually believe that's what submission is.

I suspect some need a lesson.

I always make it very clear to anyone I agree to play with that it's what I want, when I want it. I respect limits, but I am not going to give them an A La Carte menu to choose from. They ask to submit to me for a session, sometimes I'll agree and accept that submission. But it's on my terms.

I know there's the age old discussion of what defines a submissive and at what point they're a slave, but now there's that third option it seems. Perhaps someone can come up with a name for it.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Onwards, Ever Onwards

I talked to the Dom in France yesterday for the first time in a few days. He told me he's talking to another sub who lives on the Isle of Man, nothing serious yet he assured me.

So he can talk to another sub with a view to it being more, but ends things with me because we can't meet up for a few months, for as much his fault as mine. He assured me he's not looking, that he is in no position to do so. That he likes me a lot and wants to be friends.

For once I don't believe him, but I firmly believe it's very much his loss.

I'm glad I've not sat around waiting for him to realise he made a poor decision. I went through a short period where I doubted I'd ever find someone, I suppose that's normal after a disappointment or breakup.

Perhaps I'm the eternal optomist, after all the crap I've had to deal with I'm still prepared to take a chance and let people into my life.

One thing I do know is I'm not prepared to give Mr France another chance, harsh maybe, but it's how it is.

This week I'm planning to meet a Dom for coffee. We seem to be a good match, he's a widower whose submissive wife died in a car accident a few years ago, so he also understands what loss is.

Nothing may come of it, time will tell, but a few laughs, a hug and a kiss will most definitely go a long way to putting a smile on my face anyway.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

When Is A Dom Not Really A Dom?

Ahh I'm tired of the drivel from some people, the lies and pretence. Yet another "Dom" approached me today through one of my profiles and once he got me into conversation confessed that he enjoys bottoming and is not really a Dom.
For so many this seems to be only about the play or the sex, or both. For me that devalues what this lifestyle is about. And it seems they'll say just about anything to get it.
I do have occasional play sessions with subs I've befriended, I love to give them new experiences. I ask nothing in return, I get my buzz purely from their enjoyment.
There is an honesty about such sessions, we both know where the edges are, but it's not something I make a habit of and I need to know the person well and be friends a while before I'll consider it.
There are a couple of glimmers of hope for what I want, where they will lead I don't know, perhaps more dead ends.
Someone I've known for about 12 years has recently come back into my life, there's a possibility that we may become more than friends. He's not lifestyle, but he is most definitely dominant in many ways and I doubt it would take much persuasion to build on that and encourage his dominance.
We'll see what happens.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Is It Worth The Risk?

I caused a stir today with a blog on a BDSM website I use.

There's a "Dom" (and I use that term in the loosest possible way) on there who regularly blogs in an attention seeking way.

His posts follow a cycle, how wonderful life is, he's moved on from the past and his future looks fantastic.

Then his posts take a downturn and he complains about how badly treated he was, that the sub he still loves lied to him and never loved him at all.

He deletes his profile and disappears for a while and comes back proclaiming his love for her and that he'll wait for ever as no other will do.

And repeat.

I've spent time talking to him a couple of years ago when he first came to my attention. I've followed his blogs ever since and find it difficult to understand why someone with such emotional problems is still talking to subs and promising to meet etc etc.

He's caused a lot of upset over the time I've known him and I don't see there being any change in the near future either, but by posting a message publicly to him I hoped that perhaps it would have some positive effect.

It certainly generated a lot of comment and over 1200 viewings in 12 hours.

On the opposite side of the coin I've been introduced to and befriended a Domme who has been outed to her employer by her ex sub, an alcoholic who in an attempt o force her to take him back reported her to the police for assaulting him during their relationship.

No criminal charges followed because he was deemed an unfit witness, but she's about to lose her job because he contacted her employer with full details of their BDSM activities.

Yet he's still out there advertising for a Mistress, even for filming opportunities, for all the activities he claimed she forced him to participate in.

We take a big risk getting involved with anyone where BDSM is concerned. You cannot consent to physical activities that would be classed as assault, yet we take the chance and trust our partners all the time.

We trust that we can place ourselves into their safe hands as a submissive and we trust that as Dominants when we inflict physical pain and marks onto the submissives that they will not use that against us in a spiteful way.

A big ask for us all and no matter how long we take getting to know someone before we get involved there's still so much we don't know, so we take a chance and trust.

Tough life we have chosen for ourselves isn't it.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Open For Blogging Once More

I've thought long and hard about this for the last few days and decided to re-open my diary again.

I closed it to public viewing because someone I know shared the link with others.

Perhaps that doesn't make sense as a reason to some, but I've always kept this is as my private space to think aloud. As many who blog do they put their thoughts out there hoping for perhaps feedback but it's generally an anonymous thing.

I tried explaining this thought process to a friend, but she didn't get it at all, for her the fact it's out there in the public domain means it's a free for all and I shouldn't feel aggrieved because others that know me have been given the link and able to read some of my innermost thoughts.

I've only ever given the website address to a couple of people who know me, even my Doms never had it, I emailed any entries to them. It just feels different when it's people who know me reading it.

The friendship has been spoiled by several things, it's not just one event and my reaction was to close the door to the world by closing the diary to readers.

I've weighed everything up and on balance I get more positives by sharing my thoughts and emotions with those who visit here regularly and those just passing through, than the negative of worrying that people who know who I am will read it and share the contents of my diary with yet more of my friends.

My hope is that should anyone I do know in real life stumble across this diary be understanding that this is my random thought process, me thinking out loud and just letting what's in my head stumble out because it helps me make sense of it.

I think in all but one entry everything I've written has been about me or the person I've been involved with.

It's not about others, it's about me,my life and my journey through it, which is what it says on the description. If anyone doesn't approve of or like what's written here that's not my problem.

So for now and hopefully for the long term I'm back.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood