Friday, 26 August 2011

Tears

Today I cried.
We talked about lots of things, then up popped something that's been on my mind for most of the five weeks since I met France. His desire to have a child one day.
The one thing I can't give him. I'm too old to be considered for adoption. I can't have any of my own.
For years I've locked away my own feelings on the subject because I wasn't in a stable relationship, and I avoided men who didn't already have children so it wouldn't be an issue.
We've already discussed the possibility of bringing another sub into our relationship at some point in the future. I'm not averse to poly, in fact I think it would work very well for us as a couple if we found the right girl.
My worry is, if he has a child with our submissive how could he not treat his relationship with the childs mother as his priority? Surely it's only natural to be drawn to the one who gave birth to your child.
He told me in the most reassuring words he could find that he'd never sideline me. That as far as he's concerned I'd be a second mother.
I just sat here, words failed me as tears poured down my cheeks.
I believe that he'd do his best to make me feel totally included, but would I?
Of course our discussion was hypothetical, we've not met yet. What we're doing is discussing possibilities and we also understand that everything is subject to change when reality kicks in. Some things will work, others may not.
He's reiterated many times that poly is not something he must have and something that will only happen if we're totally settled and I'm happy for another girl to join us. If not we'll just meet others to play sometimes.
He says if things are not right for us to find another girl and I'm not happy for him to have a child with her, it won't happen.
Then he told me that he's in love with me.
Too soon? How can he be when we've not even met?
Strange it may be, but I do feel a big part of his life.
He includes me in everything. His parents know about me, they even know that I'm going to be his submissive.
Knowing and understanding who I am he feels I need him to be very open about everything with me to feel secure. I've never met anyone who has the ability to make me feel so cherished and cared for.
He's not gushing about it, quite matter of fact in some ways, but I'm never left in any doubt that he has strong feelings towards me. That he respects me and enjoys my company a great deal. We get on together really well and that our kinks mesh rather well is a bonus, not the main reason for us to be together.
Every day I get to know him better, he hides nothing from me, including his faults. He's a good man, a decent man, but not a perfect one.
When we meet, if he kisses as good as I think he will, I'll be a gonner.
If not then I'll just have to spend my life teaching him how.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

3 comments:

K said...

It takes someone special to bring out those tears. And also to wipe them away. I like how you said either he'll kiss like you think he will, or you'll spend your life teaching him how. It's amazing the deep connection we can make form these days via technology. You must be chomping at the bit to meet..

Southern Sir said...

It is entirely possible to love someone you've never met. That happened with my girl and I. W/we met online, chatted, emailed, cammed, and talked on the phone. W/we got to know each other on a very deep emotional level.

It was 5 months after W/we met onl;ine that W/we met in the tangible world and what was started online was carried into the physical world.

DanesWood said...

@Southern_Sir

I totally agree with you, I have very strong feelings for him also.
We've spent many hours talking face to face on Skype. We read each other very well, I can tell when I look at him what his mood is and it's the same for him when he looks at me.

We knew from the beginning it would be several months before we could meet, because of a fire at the house it may well be a little longer now.
He's worth the wait.

@K
You're right, he sees my hurt and pulls it out of me, looks at how it affects me and decides how we should deal with it.
No matter how much I cry, my smile is always bigger at the end of it.
Am I chomping at the bit? Most definitely and so is he.