Tuesday, 31 May 2011

A little reflection

Well still nothing from him, not sure I'll ever hear from him again.

When Mark Sophia died that was a huge wrench, to suddenly go from having a close and intimate D/s relationship 24/7 to the turmoil of dealing with funerals and finding a new place to live was horrendous.
This of course is nothing like that and I would never infer otherwise, but still what I had with him was intense in it's own way and to suddenly go from that to nothing is so difficult, made worse by knowing that he's still out there and that he can't get what he needs to be fulfilled in the nilla relationship he has.

I've lived that half life when with my ex, he cheated on me and shattered my trust, so much so it took me over 4 years to get my head around everything he'd done to me. Even after I'd resolved all that I remained in the same house for several years. I didn't see any point moving out as who would want me? I felt completely unloveable and indeed incapable of any sort of relationship........until I was introduced to the lifestyle by someone I met through my interest in the paranormal. It took him a year to seduce me, but he was my Master on and off for a couple of years. My time with him taught me that I could be desireable and that there were other sorts of connections than the conventional ones.

My comfort zone is most definitely as a Domme and yet I get so much satisfaction as a submissive, to the right person. The problem is there are so few around who can put me into the right head space.

I spent last night with a Dom friend. He fucked me and gave me one of the best orgasms I've had for a while........and then I cried. It's not enough, I need so much more and not sure I'll ever find it again.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

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