Tuesday, 27 November 2007

A Whole New Chapter

Well it's time to start my diary again on a daily rather than extremely intermittant basis, I've met someone very special to me, it's not been very long at all, but He touches me deeply (in every way possible lmao).

I'm generally very cautious when it comes to getting emotionally involved with anyone, but He's earned my trust and respect already and He is here for the long haul (let's hope life doesn't find a way of throwing a spanner into the works).

He's asked me to write every day with a summary of my thoughts, feelings, wants, desires and wishes. Easy you might think, but as I'm not used to expressing my inner thoughts let alone sharing my needs it's going to take some work on my part, with His support of course.

Last night I was so tired, I just wanted to curl up in His arms and sleep, the comfort of knowing He was there, not asking anything of me other than the closeness of my body and me knowing He would be satisfied to just have me there.

Many people I talk to say D/s is not about sex, but for me it's an integral part of it, not everything by any means, but for me it's very bonding and often been the only way I've felt able to express myself, although this is slowly changing, mainly due to Him.

I find myself wanting to spend much more time with Him, not just to play, although after so long of intermittant sex and play I hope He won't be too unhappy that I feel a need to not just catch up but immerse myself, at least for a while.

The last couple of mornings we've spoken very early in the day while I drove to work, I love hearing Him waking up, stretching and yawning, not quite ready to face the day, but happy to share some time with me.

This afternoon I made a mistake, I said something partly in humour but mostly as a way of explaining how BDSM works for me mentally, it didn't go down too well with Him as he thought I was saying I didn't trust him, not the case at all.
I tried to explain my mental process, not entirely sure I succeeded, but I hope so. Trust is vital in any relationship, but in a D/s relationship even more so, if someone is going to restrain you thus preventing you from moving out of their reach you have to be very sure you know they'll not cross the line, that above all you are safe in their hands, sometimes your life quite literally may depend on that.
For me part of the excitement is although I know 100% that nothing will happen to harm me and that He will not take things too far, in the darker corners of my mind there's a little voice whispering that just maybe He will. That frisson of risk gets the blood pumping, Him perhaps whispering in my ear that I'm going to be caned whilst restrained so unable to prevent it, yet knowing it's not going to happen because he's promised me he will only flog me...........it's a small mind game but the verbal imagery is wonderful.

Tomorrow we're spending another day together, play in the morning and meeting His Mother in the afternoon, to say I'll be shy and embarrassed is an understatement, I'm always the same meeting new people and it's important to me I make a good impression, would hate to disappoint Him.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."

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