Long Time No Skype

I had to make do with a few minutes speaking to him on the phone today, his internet was off.
I've really missed him too.

He said some lovely things before he logged off Skype last night, so I lay awake thinking about it for ages.

This last few days I've been feeling rather emotional, it's partly because of my developing feelings towards him and partly because of forthcoming anniversaries.

I hate limbo, I hate waiting, but there's no choice at the moment.

As far as he's concerned I'm his and he just needs to make that reality.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

You Rock My World

That's what he said to me yesterday.

Three weeks I've known him, that's all.

I can honestly say I've never met anyone like him. Someone for whom I'm the sole focus and he's determined for me to believe that I can trust him. Give myself to him completely. And that for him I will be his muse, his lover, pleasure slut and slave.

Some may consider this all a bit much considering we've been talking online for 3 weeks and won't be able to meet for quite a while yet.

I would agree if it wasn't for one thing. It's all entirely mutual.

He's not perfect, nor am I, yet we seem to fit like a hand in a glove. I've yet to see this moody side he refers to, but I've certainly experienced various other aspects of his personality.

He's seen many sides to me. There's the shy little girl that seeks approval, is shy and needs to be cared for.

Then there's the independent stubborn me who's wary of anything and anyone new and can and will take care of herself, doesn't need anyone else to do that.

So which is the real me?

The answer is both and more.

Something I have realised, he has vulnerabilities too.

I can give him perhaps more than he ever thought he'd find and that too is something I feel he recognises.

He respects me and desires to nurture and protect me. Help me accept I'm a lovable person (something I struggle with), and that I don't have to go it alone all the time. Be the tough one that sorts out everyone else's problems and neglects my own.

I've no intention of letting him carry all the load, but it's wonderful that someone wants to share the burden.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Take A Chance On Me

Sometimes you reach a crossroads in life and the path you choose can change your whole life.

I've been at many such points over the years and never regretted any of the choices I've made no matter if they worked out for the best or not. Each step you take leads to the next and you can't reach the point you're at without each one of them.

In many ways I'm a contradiction, sometimes overly cautious and at others I'm incredibly impulsive even though I think it's in a measured way. This may be one of my more impulsive decisions, but life is incredibly short and a one shot deal so sod it. I'm taking a chance.

My time with Mark/Sophia was incredibly intense and so full of love and happiness despite the difficulties we faced together. Although ultimately our time together ended in a tragic and abrupt way I'll never regret a single minute of it. I broke many of my own rules for us to be together and collared him only 11 days after we met, something I would never have dreamed I'd ever do.

Now my future is an unknown country and I've hoped to find someone to help me explore it. I think I may have found that person.

It's early days, we've yet to meet, but if I was to have a checklist for the ideal person he'd tick just about every box for me as I do for him.

Maybe I'll crash and burn, but it will be fun flying in the meantime.




"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

A Day On The Couch

No work today, so spoke to the latest guy on skype for a while today. Well actually we spoke for about 8 hours during the course of the afternoon and evening.

I've decided to refer to him as France, because that's where he's currently residing. At least until the spring.

We've made each other laugh, a lot. We've discussed our kinks and he's shown me photos of some body modification ideas he would like to explore. Primarily it's piercings that interest him, which is fine by me. He wants flesh tunnels in nipples and labia as a long term goal. I'm more than willing to work towards that as much as I'm able.

So I still feel we're inching forward slowly in the right direction. Even if things continue to go well this is going to be a marathon not a sprint anyway.

I think even if we don't manage a D/s or M/s relationship we'll still stay in touch because we just enjoy being with each other, even if it is currently only via video link.



"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

what light from yonder window breaks

Well as things didn't work out with the last Dom I met I continue my search. At the moment I'm talking to a very interesting Dom who currently lives in France but intends to return to the UK early next year.
We tick a lot of boxes for each other and of course it's very early days yet but there is a glimmer of hope.
He enjoys controlling and he's also heavily into body modifications, specifically piercings. That's fine by me.
I've been given a choice of D/s or M/s as the dynamic and he'll tailor his control accordingly, but I'm of the opinion that things would develop naturally if we were spending time together anyway.
He's also given me a list of requirements. Now it's not hard and fast, more a sketch of what his ideal would be and he accepts we live in the real world, not some fantasy. He's asked me to study it carefully and re-write it detailing my choices. Once negotiations are completed he would not permit me to change my mind on any of the limits agreed unless there was an exceptionally good reason.
This is a very different approach to any other I've experienced, of course I appreciate that much of it is by necessity as we're currently unable to meet, so everything is hypothetical anyway.
I've learned through my years online that it doesn't matter how well you get on over the internet, things can be very different when together physically.
I'm keeping an open mind, but at the same time I can see a faint glimmer at the end of a very long tunnel and I am at least prepared to see what happens.
Until we meet I'll still be talking to others and even possibly playing with others, but casual play isn't really for me anyway.


"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Saturday Night Alright

Last week I worked hard and was looking forward to my weekend. Saturday night I went to a BDSM event with a Domme friend of mine. The venue is 100 miles from me and I had to make a detour to pick up my friend, but it was worth it. The venue is amazing and I knew she'd love it there as much as I do.

I'd already planned to top a friend, and the night before I'd also joking told someone else that his ass was mine and we'd play. I'd only met him once before, briefly. Not taken any notice of what he looked like, but we had talked a little over the last year online. Meeting him in person I got some most unexpected prickles of excitement.

I flogged and spanked his bottom, just somehow got very little from it, but then I restrained him in a bondage chair and attached clover clamps to his nipples. Now I was in my element, I could read his reactions, look into his eyes and really begin to explore him.

After a few minutes with the clamps I took them off and began to use my fingers instead.

I stood really close, began with light squeezes and slowly ramped up the pressure. There were times he struggled, but every time the pain became intense he looked right into my eyes and we got past the pain together.

It's a long time since I felt any sort of connection like that.

I've no idea if we'll play gain, he says he'd love to and will travel up here to see me, but time will tell.

I'm still thinking how to word my thoughts on the latest Dom I'm talking to. So far lots of boxes ticked on both sides, but I'm not holding my breath after my previous experiences.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood

Chocolate v Vanilla

I'm in a rather weird mood at the moment.

It may be an old cliche, but that doesn't mean it's any less true. I feel lonely.

I know lots of people and when I do go anywhere I'm quite often the one laughing loudest and cracking jokes, flirting like there's no tomorrow and knowing that flirting is all it is.

I miss belonging to someone, but not just anyone will do.

I've been told to relax, go with the flow. That my ideas on D/s are too rigid and I should just have kinky fun and see what it leads to. I can't do that, it's just not me. I've played with Doms never intending for it to be more than the 1 session, or maybe an occasional thing, but that isn't satisfying at all. I'm just not a bottom, that side of me is submissive.

On a different note, travelling back from a few days away with my ex sub and his wife, I stopped off to meet a guy who works for the same company. Just for a drink as I was passing through his area.

We talked and laughed and several times he told me he was looking for a girlfriend. I was careful not to give him any encouragement as he just wasn't my type. I could tell :-)

Eventually we got around to discussing D/s, he'd poked and prodded me enough that I decided to tell him about my lifestyle, or at least a very diluted and brief taste of it.

"Imagine" I said, "that you have a woman restrained on the bed so that you can give her pleasure any way you choose, for as long as you choose. She can't stop you and she can't move away." The look of absolute horror on his face, followed swiftly by one of bewilderment and I realised he probably wouldn't know what to do to a woman in that position.

"ohh no" he replied. "I'm strictly a missionary position man me."

If nothing else at least it confirms for me I could never go back to nilla.

"The most powerful sexual organ in the body is our brain, open your mind and allow your fantasies free reign, mutual pleasure between consenting adults is a wonderful thing."
DanesWood